So sorry to hear of your situation 🙁 I went through a similar situation recently. Although in my case it was not a romantic relationship, we were in contact for so much of 7 months, I thought we were best friends. To suddenly have nothing broke my heart. I did so much reading as well to try and settle my raging emotions and something I read mentioned that sometimes things like that happen to show you that there is some area of growth that you need to focus on in yourself. Perhaps you need to love yourself more. Might sound a little fluffy when you are actually in pain and wondering why this could happen to you, but when I took a step back and looked at the whole situation, I knew there were parts of my life that I needed to work on for myself.

I agree with everything Cocolumbine and Eris have said, it could be that the person you thought you loved did not actually exist. Because normal people do not do such cruel things to people they say they love and respect.

It might not even be worth getting closure in the form of saying goodbye to that person. I still tell myself that everyday I think of contacting him to “end” it properly. The closure that you seek may perhaps be in the realisation that you deserve someone else better in your life.

Sending hugs and healing thoughts…

Hi dreaming715, me again. I agree with what Matty has said in his post above. Just thought I’d share with you a bit more of my story so you know you are not alone. Up to a couple of weeks ago, I had all these similar feelings of wanting to be a hermit, not dealing with people anymore because relationships are just too hard sometimes and people are a real pain.

I have been married almost 15 years but it’s not in the best state. A year ago, I found out that the other half was having an emotional affair with his colleague who reports to him. I’ve not quite recovered from that experience because they work together still and I am paranoid all the time. Quite a disaster but that’s another story. That was the major reason for that emotional void I had, and attempted to fill with the narcissist “friend”. Almost my own emotional affair in return. I’ve not told anyone this before because I know it’s so stupid and pathetic in some way, so please don’t judge me. I was feeling lonely, unloved and unsupported because similarly, my family lives 7 hours away by plane in another country and I do not have friends who have time for me at all. Everyone is busy with their own lives anyway. I thought that was the friend who could make me happy even if for a short time, even if it was wrong. It was like a drug addiction I had – every time I felt upset, texting him and hearing from him would cheer me up but he also tore me down so many times with his lack of respect for what I thought was a friendship. It wasn’t romantic but he was someone I thought I had a connection with when I felt that I was not connected to anyone else in the whole world.

Why I want to tell you this now is because you are feeling alone and sad as a result of losing that relationship on top of everything else you are going through. However, I’ve learnt now that you cannot tell yourself that you need other people around you to make you happy. You could be in a relationship and not happy, you could be alone but still be happy. The last year has been the worst of my life. I’ve even thought I was depressed but it was really the additional weight of dealing with someone you care about who does not give a damn about you in reality on top of all my other problems.

I’ve spent 4 months trying to get over that “friendship” – obviously time better spent trying to fix my marriage but that’s time past now anyway. As I start to feel a bit better about letting go even though I’ve got no closure (because I really did want to give him a piece of my mind too), I feel more positive each day. I try and be open to letting other people into my consciousness instead of shutting them out with my negativity and unhappiness. They could be new (and most likely better) friends down the road. Even with the other half, I’m still working on telling myself that I don’t need him to make me happy too. I’ll do stuff I want to do, treat myself to nice things occasionally and focus on doing things that I am good at so I feel better about myself. If I have to be alone one day, I know I can cope.

You have a roommate who has been there for you for so many years. Don’t let the arrival and departure of the narcissist you unfortunately met, ruin your other relationships. I know it is hard because I’ve just been there but you will get out of this eventually. Happiness is different things for different people.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by Mishy.

Hi dreaming715, when I first posted last week and you responded with your experience, I was still wondering whether to give up on that person I knew as well. Since then, every time I feel like I should give him the benefit of the doubt, I go and read up on how narcissists behave and that has kept me strong because so many signs tell me that is what he is. In fact I feel a lot happier and more positive the past week than I have in a year even though I sometimes still miss chatting with him most days as we used to. I felt down a lot last year and I thought it was due to other big problems I had in my life and that luckily he was there to cheer me up. But now I realise he was the one sucking the remaining joy out of me because he was constantly blowing hot and cold and I couldn’t tell where I stood.

If these people we both knew were really similar, they have moved on. They don’t care about us, or how we feel because normal human empathy does not exist in them. I had journalled along the way that I felt our friendship was a mirage and now I know I am right. They do not deserve the friendship that we have to offer and we are better off looking for some normal people who can provide us with a real connection.

Hi dreaming715, now I see your full story and funnily I was also trying to do the same – meet him for one last time to give him something I got him on my holiday and just for closure but I doubt it is going happen.

I got myself this app called the Good Habit Maker and now it reminds me several times a day “Sometimes you don’t get closure, you just move on” or whatever quote you think will help you. Because I think about him all the time, the reminders pull me back on track each time so I try and put those thoughts away. Perhaps that could help you too. *hugs*