Hi Rosie,

First of all your English is good!

Your story breaks my heart as I was in a very similar situation before and I got out. I ended the relationship. I remember a time when I was still in that relationship, I was watching a horror film (I think that was Conjuring) when the lead actor and actress (husband and wife) hugged and kissed… then I cried!! In the middle of a horror film, I cried! It wasn’t even a hot kiss like what you wrote. That’s how miserable I was because my partner shows no affection to me at all.

We deserve so much better than that. I am now happily married to a person who, according to him, can’t imagine our marriage without sex. Unless it’s for medical reason or something. It’s like we have this sex metre in our minds that we know once it gets low, we would make an effort to get it up because we know it’s for our own benefit and for the good of our relationship. My point is, there is someone else out there Rosie. You can get the relationship that you want but not from him and you know what, THAT’S OKAY.

For me, get a divorce. Plain and simple. I know you’re still hesitant and whichever decision you make, there will be pros and cons.  But right now, leaving him sounds like a better choice.

If you divorce him:

1. You’ll get a chance to get to know yourself (this is really exciting, this will make you stronger)
2. Yes, you’re gonna take a risk in finding someone better BUT based on what you wrote above, it’s more likely you’re gonna find the perfect one for you rather than you husband changing his ways.
3. You’ve done enough. You’ve tried enough. Forgive him and yourself and move on.

Love,
Mira