I can totally relate to all the questions you are asking! I recently found out that my husband of 17 years has been having an affair with a coworker for the last 4 months. We have 3 kids together and when he finally confessed he said he felt like the universe brought them together and that she was his soul mate. He says she wants our relationship to work and has made some steps to show that but I find myself always questioning How is that possible if she IS his soul mate…He has said that he would regret not trying to make our relationship work but would have no regrets for not trying with her. Like you I work on me for a while and start to feel better and then focus on the hope that we will get through this and slowly drop off focusing on me which like you leads me right back to where I started. I don’t know what the answer is but Everything I have read says “let go” and if indeed it was meant to be then it will. As much as it hurts (which I am sure you know) I am going to have to focus on ME and make ME feel better and let go; not losing sight of what helps me, I will let things be what they are…I am glad I found your post. I hope that you will find your way and do what makes you happy what ever That is.