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ErikParticipant
Glad I could help. If you can learn to really love yourself than any one worth having will love you also. If you don’t respect and love yourself it will be hard for others to-even if they want to.
ErikParticipantI have recently begun to realize that it IS possible to reach such a state. I am still figuring it out myself, so I’m not sure how helpful this will be, but I will say what I have learned. True happiness is UNCAUSED. This simple and obvious fact eluded me for a very long time. There isn’t and cannot be a magic bullet that will get you “out” of suffering. The desire not to suffer is the greatest cause of it. (the Buddha’s second noble truth.) It is a tricky position to be in. You are aware that you suffer and quite naturally wish to be free of it but it is this desire not to suffer that is the biggest problem. As far as a practice goes, awareness seems to be it. Forget trying not to suffer or wishing you didn’t suffer. Accept that you suffer. Accept that you cannot MAKE it go away. The only way out of pain is through it. The more fully you allow yourself to feel it and be it and understand it the less of a grip it will have on you. Many years ago I broke my foot. I was working as an Archaeologist which required me to hike and walk non stop for 10 hours a day. It was very painful to walk but missing work was not an option as my wife was pregnant with our first child and was a full time student, so we needed the money. I found to my surprise that once I stopped trying NOT to hurt the hurt was qualitatively different. The amount of pain was the same, the physical sensation did not change, but my ability to deal with it did. It was not simply fatalism, it was more than that, but somehow once I accepted that I was going to hurt and there was nothing to be done about it it wasn’t so bad. When I had to limp, I limped, when I had to moan or cry or scream I did. I walked on that broken foot 50 hours a week for the entire summer and I will never forget the lesson. The greatest source of pain is our desire NOT to be in pain. You cannot “locate” the core that is beyond circumstances. This isn’t because it doesn’t exist, it is because it is you. You cannot be the object of your own perception, and you don’t need to be. “Wherever you go, there you are.” So the bad news is that this thing is hard to see. The good news is that there is no need to find it because there is no way to lose it. I am not sure if this makes any sense or is helpful, but it is the best I can say it. These things can’t really be explained, they have to be lived. When you suffer try to watch and understand where your desire NOT to suffer comes from. This may lead to some helpful insights. Good luck.
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