Thank you 🙏🏼

Ps – you’re absolutely correct in what you’ve said. I’d say I’ve cut ties 90% and yes to heal I do need to cut 100% but I am proud of how much I’ve overcome so far and that since has helped. Now any contact is just if she asks how my children are, she asks how I am but I don’t open up and tell her how much I still struggle with the CFS/ME because she left me high and dry when my physical health issues began. I don’t need that rejection again.

She’s still never ever apologised for what she did but she isn’t the type to say sorry. On my 40th last year s messaged me and said she missed me and she hopes one days again we can see eachother but that’s all she said. Apparently she cited all day according to my step dad. She is full of regret but my mum can’t say sorry as she’s scared of having it thrown back in her face so that’s why my mum never apologises even when she realises she was wrong, and that’s why she has so many damaged relationships. I do get sad, she’s my mum and I of course think she’s 67 now I hope I don’t regret my decision to not see her again but I then remind myself how much she hurt and abandoned me after her son assaulted me. She allowed my sister to force her to turn against me and cut me off. The sad thing is my sister still very much controls my mums every movement according to my stepdad so that is another reason I would never ever go back. They seem to come as a package and things could never repair with my mother because my sister is her right arm. I accept that and I’ve moved on with no parents and I’m ok with that. I’ve always had to be my own parent anyway. I’m healing slowly 😊

Norit,

I absolutely love that. Thank you. I also read Lily mean rebirth. How lovely is that.

You’ve made me smile. Thank you 😊

Thank you so much for that.

I completely agree. I think the PTSD and all that stress I had with my extended family after my brother assaulted me led to my body breaking down and my doctor agrees. My body even now feels it’s stuck in a stress response even though I’m not panicking anymore etc but I never feel relaxed, I always feel tense and worried. I’m not in the fight or flight panic every day anymore but ever since that assault and the stress my family inflicted on me I’ve felt stuck in a stress response  and my tests showed my cortisol was high. I wish I could reverse that because it feels like I’m stuck in it.

I always feel tense and uptight, I worry about everyone and life feels hard. I feel different to others because the last 2 years I’ve become agoraphobic again and very socially anxious to the point I can’t open the door to the postman as I get a rush of bad panic socialising with anyone. Ok my health has led to me being stuck at home but I believe the stress has led to it all and because I’ve been so hurt by people I’ve become a recluse. I subconsciously I think see the world and people as a threat, I have that hur I think I do because the last 2 years I’ve withdrawn from people and stay home. My health has limited that as I struggle to be active for long but I believe the mental side plays a huge role.

I am happy at home and love my life but I hate I’m not normal or like I used to be. I can’t attend doctors appointments etc I see others I follow on social media going to get their hair and nails done, going to their appointments and I really can’t. This is hard to admit as I fear someone will judge me and think i sound like a complete freak. It just feels like since my friend cut me off I broke inside and suddenly I’d have severe panic attacks having visitors in my house or someone knocking the door. I had social anxiety and agoraphobia shortly after the assault in 2012 but with therapy and exposure work it for better and I was back doing everything. My doctor supports me via the phone and she is brilliant. I’m just so ashamed that at 40 I’m like this. I tell myself daily I’m a terrible mother and wife. When I became so unwell with the panic attacks and CFS 2 year’s ago my husband took over the house, he did my role of cooking and cleaning because I was bed ridden so unwell. We now share evening 50/50 which is a huge success for me but at times I do even more and he does less, it all depends on what my body allows me to do energy wise. I still feel a let down to my family. I stayed strong for so long after the assault doing  trips out etc and now I can’t I feel I’m ruining their childhood having a mum with such fatigue issues and they don’t know about my anxiety but I just feel I’ve let them down. Their dad takes them everywhere and they don’t miss out but I’m not with them so I best myself up when they go places. I worry how I accept them mentally but they assure me they’re fine and having a great childhood.

M children also lost my mum, my siblings and their children, I always worded my children have missed out on grandparents and cousins etc and blame myself but I couldn’t any longer have mentally and physically absusive people in my life. My children really can’t stand my family. They witnessed my brother attack their father the year before he attacked me. My eldest ended up with anxiety and would cry every day sag on the windowsill worries why his dad was late home from work. He would beg me to call him to check where he was etc it was hard. My mum used to visits still at this point and she would be shocked how anxious my son was but even she reluctantly agreed it was because my brother had hurt his dad. He ended up needing therapy and it worked wonders and he’s the least anxious person I know since we cut out my family. I know I did right fk protect my children from the childhood I had.

My step dad saw my son recently and he said to him ‘now I understand why your mum won’t return to the family. I didn’t know anxiety and depression until I married into this family and now I’m on anti depressants. They’re all still violent and one is now a drug addict. Your mum needs to stay away. She is the only nice normal one’. That meant the world to me as he had never said anything like that when I was in the family.

I knit but haven’t in ages as I just can’t bring myself to do anything. It’s like I have zero I’m oh anymore. I know I need to push myself. Get off my phone, get out of my head and force myself to fake it to make it.

Thank you for your kind advice.

Ju

Hi Anita

I totally agree because my childhood has impacted me so much and I can’t remember any good memories because the bad are so powerful. I gave my children the best memories up until a few years ago because of course my brother attacked me and I had abuse from my extended family and that impacted my health mentally and physically. I’ve still continued to give my children good memories to the best of my ability, by showing them love, showing them bravery, they never go without anything, we have a nice home, we’ve taken on holidays and since my health deteriorated the last 12 months my husband has continued to take them to the cinema or meals out. They still get happy memories and our home it is a very happy home despite health issues that I have.

The most important thing is to give your children love and a safe home environment which something I lacked growing up and I’m just so glad I can give that to my children.

Ju

Thank you Anita.

Lovely idea and recently I actually printed off alot of old photos for memories and bought a photo board to hang on my bedroom wall. On a better energy day I shall start pinning them. It may help me and nice for them to see. They say they remember everything but of course I worry they will forget.

I had a tough childhood and my mekroeis are not good at all. I just wanted better for my children. I know I’ve removed myself from my extended family to protect my children so of course they won’t suffer like I have. They are surrounded by love, a warm home, nice food and clothes. They have a very good life. I know that means everything. It’s everything u never had so at least I’ve given my children all of that. Being ill these last few years hasn’t stopped that but if course I worry its impacted them seeing me struggle with chronic fatigue issues and their dad having to do a lot more for them. They say they love me and are happy so u have to trust in that.

Having chronic fatigue syndrome. I have to refrain from exercise or it causes bad crashes but I get up every day before them, I wash, dress etc.. And they see that. I do gte up to do things upstairs every morning and potter about. They’re aware I’m now making their beds and cleaning the bathroom each day, all that I couldn’t do a while ago but they tell me off for over doing it haha. I’m going to restart some gentle yoga exercises on my bed each night but being mindful of my body.

Thank you for your reply.

Ju

• This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Mima37.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Mima37.

Thank you so much Anita,  Peter and Asher.

All of your replies brought me comfort.

Asher thank you for sharing your experiences and suggestions. I shall definitely be taking them on board.. Thank you for your kind words too. This is the thing, I love my life despite the trauma and ill health, yet at the same time find life so hard. My family are my world and I just want to feel better to make memories with them. I fear they won’t remember all the things I did with them before the last few years. They are all teenagers now and I’m scared that they won’t remember the younger years when  I took my holidays etc. They aren’t short of love at all they know I adore them but I just feel so guilty that life is passing by so fast and yet we can’t do family things together because of me and before we know it they will move out and I’ve missed all that precious time. I think that’s why I think about death so much because I just feel  life is passing so fast and I’m always thinking so morbid, but I know it’s probably just situational, I’m just sat resting every day and just looking at the walls I guess so the mind will think negatively. If I was out living life and on autopilot as a housewife then I wouldn’t have time for these thoughts probably.

Thank you all aaginagain. It took a lot for me to post so I appreciate your replies.

J