I still feel the uncertainty sometimes, but is not that intense anymore. I think I have learned how to detach myself from negative thoughts through accepting and acknowledging the thoughts/feelings and then detaching myself from it.

Also, I always bear in mind that we cannot fall out of love accidentally. I believe that the love we feel for someone will not go away without our consent.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Micky.

Dear Anita,

Thank you for helping me get through this problem! God bless you! 🙂

Dear Anita,

I am pondering on my past experience with my parents and I am not yet sure if this is the reason why I am feeling like this. Is it okay to not be sure, for the mean time? Or does it say that maybe it’s not the reason?

To Jaz and to the others who have experienced this/have experienced this, can you please get in touch? I will appreciate it 🙂

Dear Anita,

Thank you for replying! <3

To be honest, at first, I never knew that the “in love” feelings can disappear. I thought that it will always be there and that is what love is. But now, I am struggling since I do not have the feelings anymore but I still have the desire to love.

Something seems to be blocking me from loving – it does not feel right. It is so odd because as what Jaz described, I have no reasons as to WHY I am feeling like this.. the day before I felt like this, I was undeniably happy. And so I read books in the library and searched online about love, being a choice not a feeling. I still choose to love but I guess I am still not used to loving without feelings, that is why I always feel guilt and confusion.

The thoughts that accompany these negative feelings is that, “If the love is still there, why has it become so hard?”, “Why is this happening to me? to us? I want to be happy with him”, “There must be a girl out there who can love him better than me”, “he deserves more”, “If this is true love, it must be easy”, “I do not want to make the biggest mistake in my life which is letting go of someone I really love”. The thoughts go on and on… I often get angry with my self for being this way.

I am so confused because this happened so sudden and real quick. I am scared.

(I’ve read Jaz’s post on November 2, then after reading the comments, I found strength. I felt old self coming back until after 5days. The confusion came back.)

Please give me some advice. Please. I badly need it 🙁 Thanks!

If anyone on this thread still visiting this website, please give me some advice since I am also experiencing the same thing as Jaz.

I and my boyfriend are going out for 10 months now, and it was three months ago since I’ve experienced “not feeling in love anymore.” (But I still get jealous and concerned about him but the sparks is not there anymore, and the feeling of guilt and pain suddenly replaced it.)

I was also told that maybe the honeymoon stage has ended already and the sparks have subsided. I was also advised to tell this to my man so we can solve this problem together, which I also did. The first week I’ve experienced it was HELL. I did not have any idea what was happening to me. I cried and cried because I felt guilt, sadness, and nervousness. After that hell week, I decided to communicate the problem to him and we agreed to give me some space to figure it all out. He hugged me and wiped the tears falling as I was so confused.

I thought that I  am okay already after 2 days and so I came back to him. I tried to deny in myself that the situation is not real, which I think was not a very good way to cope with this problem. After 2 days of getting back together, I asked again for space which, with all his heart, he gave. Since then, I decided to force myself to fight the pain I’m feeling. What is so confusing is that, I know that I still love him but I keep feeling that something’s not right. I thought that this will be easy if only I still feel the sparks and the feeling of being in love. I am confused because I have never been in this kind of situation before. I dont know what to do.

After like 1 month, I asked again for space. It lasted for almost a week since I promised to myself that I’m gonna figure this out for our betterment. Up to now, even though we are together again, I still experience what Jaz described. I do not want to lose him so I am loving him by choice. It is pretty hard but I am always reminding myself not to give up because he’s worth it. But I also fear that one day I’ll realize and simply accept that the stars were not aligned for us. But whenever I think of this, the feeling of pain and confusion strikes back, even stronger, as if pushing me to make a decision to leave. I know I love him, deep inside. I know that love is a choice more than a feeling and so I am deciding to love him everyday. He is the best guy I’ve ever met and I do not want to lose him.

It’s just that the feeling of pain and confusion sometimes become unbearable and I wonder when this suffering will end and when will I harvest the rewards of this hardships. I believe I have not fallen out of love since this happened so suddenly(and I was unaware) and so I am still fighting for love.

Please give me some advice. I will appreciate it! 🙂