Sorry Anita, I meant “if you prefer”, not “if you before” in my last message to you (near the end). Can’t edit this post anymore.

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your reply and your offer to share your experience and thoughts. This really means a lot to me as I have never before spoken to someone who has gone through this thing and knows what it’s like, especially someone who has learned how to deal with it.

So yes, I would love to hear more from you.

I have a few questions if you don’t mind:

– What kind of therapy gave the best results for you? Was it classic Freudian or CBT?

– How do you practice Mindfulness? I find that if I succeed in relaxing and being in the moment, it is usually only after I have reached some sort of calm in my thoughts and not really before. If I am “spiking” and feeling very anxious and lost in these thoughts, Mindfulness usually doesn’t help that much. Or maybe I haven’t tried hard enough or often enough. What kind of method do you use? I sometimes use self-hypnosis and relaxation apps, I don’t really take the time to meditate.

– How can I be sure I really have ROCD? It is probably the most tormenting thought of all. That maybe it’s not really “just in my head”, maybe I’m ignoring my true voice and needs… very scary thought.

I hope that’s not too much for you to answer all at once, please don’t feel obligated to answer right away or in length, I wouldn’t want to take too much of your time. And if you before just telling your thoughts or story in no particular order that’s fine as well:)

Again thank you so much for your response.

Hi Sammy,

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply.

You are right when you ask “will it have to be the perfect baby”. I do worry that when I have a child I will be constantly worried about his or her imperfections and comparing to other children, the way I do with my partner. Or I will find she/he perfect as it will be my child, and keep thinking my partner is the imperfect one and worry about the kind of contributions he will have in our child’s life and mind. I cannot picture a future in which I will just accept both my partner and my child as they are and not worry about that so much. A part of it is worrying about what other people might think and how they perceive me partner and I, do they think he’s right for me? Good enough for me? Or maybe they wonder what I am doing with him?

I think the way I think about all of this is not normal. It doesn’t sound to me the way other people think about their partners and family.
I know a lot of people go through breakups after the love “high” is over, like you described. I somehow feel what’s going on with me is different. It is a bit like that but not really the same.

I think that because I believe what you described is usually true when people discover after the “In love” feelings go away, that their partner is actually not that supportive or emotionally available, that they don’t see life together the same way, that they don’t agree about a lot of things or have bad communication and so on.
This is not how it is with me and my partner and it wasn’t really the case in my previous relationships either, also I often had these worries right from the start and not only after a few years or months as you described.

I see what you mean about the label but I actually disagree, the thoughts are so consuming that the only thing that sometimes helps is to tell myself I might have ROCD – that is the only way for me to get some distance with them and see them as something that is going on in my head rather than the reality.
So I don’t see it as a label which makes me an ill person or whatever – I see it more as putting a name on something that is so scary and awful that I hate to think it is actually some sort of an inner voice I have to listen to. Because this inner voice always leads me to breakups and living on my own, which is not how I want my life to be (although sometimes it does seem tempting).

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Midnight.