Hello!

I’m so sorry for replying so late. I’m really sorry that you’ve been going through this, too. I know far too well that the pain can be unbearable.

But trust me when I say that it CAN and it WILL get better for you because it did with me – even when everything seemed so hopeless. It just takes time (and I know that sucks too… I’m the most impatient person in the world! But it’s so true).

After I wrote that post, I didn’t go back and look him up for well over a year. Finding out that he was seeing someone new hurt so bad, but I had to deal with it because there was nothing else I could do. I wouldn’t let it swallow me whole. So regardless of the searing pain, I kept going. I went to work, and I made an effort to talk to people and make friends with my new colleagues. I threw myself back into exercising at the gym, and decided to run a 5k with a friend in the summer of 2015 (never would have done that before!), I went on holiday on my own, and I stayed in a hostel and met some awesome new people. While the sadness was always in there somewhere, nagging at me and threatening me with loneliness and isolation, I tried my hardest to step forward through it.

Things continued to improve in spite of the pain, which gradually lessened. I left the part-time job for a full-time job which I ended up hating, haha. I laugh about that now, because I thought this job was such a turning point in my life, just like I thought he was. It turned out to be a nightmare. I ended up quitting four months later, went on holiday (with my family this time), and then found the job I have now, which I absolutely love and would not have gotten if I hadn’t have taken the crappy job.

Oh, and I met someone new at the start of 2016. By the end of 2015, I was ready to date again and went back online. After a series of failed dates, I went out with this one guy and kept my expectations low. I didn’t think he was my type. But then, when the date started, we just clicked, and that date ended up being even better than ANY date I had with my ex. Honestly! And only a year ago, I’d thought I’d met lost the only person that could ever make me happy. And while I’m not dating the guy I met at the beginning of the year anymore (it’s kind of complicated and I won’t get into it now), we’ve stayed in touch and he’s now one of my closest friends.

So, you see, there is hope. It might not seem possible in the darkest days, but take it from someone who has a history of being totally and utterly hard on herself and feeling ridiculously hopeless at times (especially with relationships), it CAN get better as long as you try. The only advice I can give you is what worked for me, and that is to pour all your energy into yourself and making YOU your best self, because you are the one who matters most. Allow yourself to feel the pain and work through it, but don’t let that be all you do. Put limits on your grief. Cry about it at night, in the morning… whenever, but then make yourself get up and do something else for a few hours. Set yourself goals – is there something you’ve wanted to do for a while but have always put off? For me, it was losing weight and finding a job that I enjoy. I ticked both those boxes and now I feel more empowered and confident than ever, even without a partner. It wasn’t easy at times and I certainly had many setbacks. But always remind yourself that the darkest moments can lead you to some wonderful light, and it can move your life forward in ways that don’t always seem possible.

I wish you all the best. 🙂

• This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Sophie. Reason: Missed a word!