Maybe she is homeless, or living in a very bad area, or living with people that would not like it if she had a friend? Maybe she’s so embarrassed to let you know where she lives, and your pressuring was what caused the division? It seems that every time you speak, you are asking her something she does not want to tell you. If you two are so close, and have a good time otherwise, then I would stop asking, because no matter the reason, it is something that you don’t have any right to ask more than once.

I had a pretty bad life too. Neglect, abuse, etc. I had a child as a teenager, went through abusive relationships. Even some points in time when I felt that I was dying inside. There was nothing left of me but a kernel under a pile of ash and rubble. I was constantly ill.
And then I got divorced. I found out that I could support myself, with my own money (in fact, I had more to spend on myself). I could do whatever I wanted to, like walk along the river,or just chill on my balcony with some hot chocolate.
Do I need to get away from my thoughts and my memories? No.
I have learned that depression is not an illness, but a way that your body is trying to help you figure out complex social issues. I didn’t have depression, I just had some issues. I also wasn’t getting enough calories sometimes, and other times I was severely dehydrated. There are also many other things that make you down too, like drugs, alcohol, and junk food. Monks don’t abstain from unhealthy eating for moral purposes alone. It really does a lot of good to drink more water, eat more plants (fruits, veggies, grains, nuts), do less drugs, and move around more often. That’s why a lot of athletes or military or people who run a lot aren’t as sick.
Also, yes, the past can suck. Yes, we can develop bad habits because of it, but we can also let go of it and be a better person. I’m okay with my past, and I am that much more grateful for the awesome present I have now, because I know for a fact it’s been worse.
So advice about dwelling on the past: a trick some cognitive behavioral people suggest is that you can dissociate your emotions from traumatic memories. You’ll always have the memories, but you can lessen the emotional response. You play the memory in your head, but backwards like you’re rewinding. It slows down, and loses its color, and gets smaller and smaller like you’re walking away from a black and white tv until it diminishes into a speck. Then you replay the memory with full color, but make up a better ending. This can help you with the emotional side.
Also with dreams, you can make them better when you are just waking up, by making up stuff to finish the dream. And as weird as it sounds, a sleepy brain accepts more unrealistic stuff than realistic. For example, I have many bad dreams about abuse and cheating. But anymore, if I wake up from one of those, I make up that it was an alien body snatcher that’s purple and has six eyes and has to wear an atmospheric suit, but has to feed off of anxieties, so I tell it to go to Wall Street and make numbers go down (way easier than what it was doing impersonating one person). Then I just have to find my boyfriend who is in cryogenic stasis somewhere. It works.

But I guarantee that if you continue to feel sorry for yourself because of bad decisions someone else made, you won’t change anything.

I apologize for saying something that you might not want to hear, but as a woman, I’d be super freaked out by your behavior. Women are threatened with violence on a regular basis, especially if they turn the guy down. Women are killed for that. I can totally understand the reactions. I probably would be the same, and I’d be scared enough to not go back to the gym too.
I also understand that dating is very hard, and I totally understand the feeling of connection that you wanted to continue. But what I found out is that only one in a thousand would return the connection, let alone want to take it further. My advice is patience. You have a lot to offer, but it’s going to take time to develop the deep relationship that you want.

I have found that the best way to move to a new area is to find a job there. Search for jobs you can get wherever you want to go, and the rest you can work out later. I used to have a phone book which lists restaurants in the new city I moved to, and I would randomly pick a restaurant and find how to get there on a map. It helped me to learn about the city. And if you have a job, you will start to meet people right away, and you can learn about local areas for socializing.
It is not as hard as it seems, and I actually find it exciting and fairly easy to move somewhere new.

As for the family, my ex husbands family was almost the same. I was afraid to do anything because they might be upset and it would be a big issue. But after my divorce, I realized that they cannot force me to do anything.
If you don’t want them to know where you live, then that is your decision. If you don’t want to move back in with them, that is your decision.
Yes, your mom raised you, and she probably sacrificed a lot, but that was her decision. If you want to leave, then you can leave. You don’t owe them anything else. Not an explanation, not an address, nothing. You don’t have to stay. There is no legal action they can take against you, so in all reality, they only want you to stay so they can keep controlling you.

I’m not sure if I agree with some other comments, but sometimes you just have to make an effort to listen. I talk about a lot of things, and to be honest, I don’t care too much that my partner is truly listening and joining the conversation, as much as I care that he’s pretending to listen and being respectful. I feel so much better than when I had a partner who would interrupt and shut down the conversation because he was not interested or not comfortable with the topic, or whatever excuses I was given. It was rude and made me feel like I was not respected at all. I felt like less of a person in the relationship and more just an object that he wished I were something other than me.
So my advice is that if you want to respect him and you appreciate him for who he is, just listen. You can let him know that sometimes you won’t be able to contribute much, but you will be a good listener.

In addition to the above: most guys you will come across are definitely not as they appear at first glance/first kiss. Just because they show an interest in you right now does not mean that they are going to be interested in you the next day, and the majority will not stay and treat you how you would like to be treated. The proverbial green grass on the other side is an illusion.