Friends,

Thanks a lot for these posts. I m having the same exact issue with my recent boyfriend (now ex) and I really need to vent because it’s driving me nuts.

He does the same thing of cancelling last minute and not replying after a long time to my texts. We also come from two different cultures but live in the same city.

While I was trying to meet up with him to talk about the issue, he kept on not giving solid dates/time and it was very triggering for me because I have a fear of abandonment. I  got so triggered and went aggressive and suggested that we break up. He wants to meet and scheduled the next day to talk. The next day 15 minutes before our meeting, he cancelled and said I triggered him so much because I reminded him of his ex who would break up with him over texts and would do this several times per week. He said he doesn’t have the courage to come and tell me this in person.

He said he needs time to sit and grief over those feelings that resurfaced and then honour my decision to stay friends. BUT I DONT KNOW TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIM 🙁 I want him back.

I texted back that I’m sorry and I was acting from anxiety. I actually had prepared a plan for us to unpack what happened together figure out how to present this from happening again and our contribution to the situation. I also bought us a book that talks about childhood traumas.  He didn’t reply to the text.

5 days later, I emailed him a long apology, confirming that I’m sorry and that I value him. I also told him about the plan that I had. He didn’t reply yet (I only sent it this morning). I asked to see him to give him a hug and a book.

I’m so sad! I really liked him a lot and we bonded so well. Do you think it’s over? Reading all the comments above it seems that if he was interested to invest further he would have at least reply to my email. I’m not sure really how he feels or what he thinks now.

I’m so anxious and keep thinking maybe the email went to the junk folder, but I know it probably didn’t and that’s just my mind getting anxious.

What do you all think?