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MiaParticipantThank you Anita that’s very perceptive (and amazing to reply six years later). This really resonates: a lost and scared child is also an angry child, crying out loud: WHY AM I ALONE? WHY ISN’T THERE ANYONE WITH ME, HELPING ME???!!!
I’ve been seeing a counsellor for about six months. I am wondering if a different style would suit better, I feel like I need tools and strategies. It is a very open ended style of therapy but I do feel affirmed and understand things a bit better in sessions.
MiaParticipantThank you for all your replies.
I went to counselling for about a year and a half. I found it helpful but stopped going because I felt like I was just going over the same problems and past hurt again and again. And it was a really safe calm space and relationship that I miss but my problem is forming relationships in the real world. It is great having a counsellor but they aren’t a person in the real world like a friend – they function in a separate space. I stopped going in April because wanted to build relationships in the ‘real world’ but have got no where.
Thank you for the recommendations Peter. And hope you’re okay August I eould go for coffee if I wasn’t miles away from Sydney.
I am trying to reach out but it takes so much energy. I work as a support worker which I think drains me a lot. And I am a quiet person so I find it really hard to go out and talk for hours – I just want to be quiet and sleep most of the time lately. The winter darkness isn’t helping much.
I play roller derby which has provided me with a network of people but it just upsets me every time I hear of people there hanging out without me which happens a lot. I don’t kunderstand why people don’t want to get to know me or spend time with me. And there is a unspoken assumption that I must have other friends or family around like they do. No one seems to be able to comprehend being totally alone and how hard that is.
MiaParticipantThank you Anita 🙂
I would like to be more open to people – I think part of the problem is that I close to people out of fear. I will practice being open to people.
MiaParticipantI don’t want to talk to hundreds of people in an audience. I would juSt like one or two people who talk to me with genuine interest without checking their phone or leaving half way through the conversation. And who would accompany m cooking dinner or going for a walk. Totally simple things. Just a bit of company and care.
MiaParticipantHello back again because I am feeling this way very much lately. Like no one ever seems to want to spend time with me, no one asks me to do things just because or chases me or comes over to talk to me… I just feel so isolated and want some care. I am interested in lots of things but am scared of going to classes or meet ups because after a while I will have that feeling of being a stranger to all these people even though I have spent lots of time with them. it seems that everyone is caught up in their own lives and worlds they never notice me.
MiaParticipantI will see my mum on a few days and spend yhe rest with my dad and siblings so that is good. I am grateful for them and their care. But and I feel seflish writing this – it doesn’t feel enough. Maybe because there is still hurt in myself and all my family from my mum. I want more love than that. I worry maybe I want too much love but I guess I am making up for a lack.
MiaParticipantLostsoul83 I hope you can find some peace. Take care.
Anita yes I feel very child like lately. Like a lost scared child inside. I am still in contact with my mum and actually feel sick and anxious thinking about seeing her over the holidays.
MiaParticipanthi Oskarpe, I’m glad that you have written about your experiences because it always helps to get things on paper/screen, out of our heads and to get another perspective. Reading your post I am wondering a bit more about how you felt that day. Did you feel sad, shocked or something else perhaps? How do you feel about it now, and do you still go hunting? I’m just wondering what effect killing the moose had on you.. and was there anything else going on at that time that may have added to your struggles?
Sorry to ask lots of questions but it might help to see clearly how you have been feeling. I’m really sorry that you feel like part of you is missing – I want to let you know that you aren’t broken just maybe numbed a little or you have buried part of you away. That happy guy still exists, your essence/soul/character (whatever you’d like to call it) is still there just lost a little because of some difficult circumstances.
I would perhaps recommend seeing a counsellor/therapist if possible. It might help with the anxiety in social situations. I struggle with that too so I don’t have some ground breaking solution I’m afraid but I do find that grounding techniques, mindfulness and self forgiveness are very helpful. I hope those might be of use to you.
I don’t think it’s crazy to say that some part of you may have died along with the moose. It was clearly an experience that greatly affected you in some way and as a result you have lost yourself a little. But as I said ‘died’ suggests that that part of you won’t come back which I don’t think is the case. that part of you is just lost and you will find it again. Have faith in that. In the meantime I hope you can work through these feelings more. I hope that helps. Take care.
MiaParticipantHello all, thank you for your kind words! I needed a moment to digest everything but I am feeling much calmer now and I have followed the advice to see a counsellor. I think I am very much bogged down with studying which I know isn’t my *thing* so I will try to step back from studying a little as you suggest Deep Thinker. Sal Jade I will definitely take a look at the books you recommend and I am open to the healing you suggest. I think there’s often overlooked wisdom in these things. Moongal your advice is extremely helpful thank you. I will get the physical checked out and see if my diet is having an impact as you say Inky. Thank you for your kind words Chris. And I will make sure I am doing some fun and physical things as you suggest Tripti. And thank you lightsource – I agree that working on my self esteem will probably help the other things I am feeling too.
thank you all for making me feel a less alone and more hopeful. I have saved all your messages to read again! xo
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