Hi Zita, for the first time, I completely and genuinely connect with what someone has written ( in fact I freaked out reading your post at first for the similarity in thoughts). It is as if you have literally taken words out of my mind and wrote them down. I feel the same, exact same – stuck in a maze of mediocrity with no progress whatsoever even with the umpteen options in front of me. And, I am not happy with myself. Sorry I am not writing to help you but here to say that you are not alone and it’s OK. I don’t have the courage to tell you that there is nothing to worry since I am myself a wrecked soul here. Except for few stats that you have mentioned, we literally live the same life through the same emotions probably at different parts of this world.
Like how @amaya has mentioned, may be we should hang in there and let it be for a while. Slowly and steadily we may find our purposes. Things will change even without our knowledge but the feeling to be a someone or a success wouldn’t let us just be still…But where do I start(my million dollar Q almost everyday). What is that one thing that I want to passionately wake up to? Some mornings are power packed and I want to conquer the world but other days I have numerous why’s and how’s running in my head with no answers. Many would give up anything to be where I am and to do all that I have been doing, when I genuinely fail to notice any worth. I know of people who always look up to me because they think I have it all in my life. Seriously??!! Hmm. Why this life? What’s the purpose? Why me? How to change? How to feel the worth? so on and so forth. What is my achievement in this 29 years of life on this planet?!! It’s hard to give answers to your self since that’s one place where you can’t fake it or lie to your own conscience. I am painfully truthful to self at all times (bane or boon)

I read. Read more when I am confused. It’s like an unending search for the truth, just like how I stumbled upon your post while digging in google (irony) for some answers to the rather grave doubts about my own existence. Good to know there are others like me. I always feel there is something missing even when I have it all, which makes me look deeper for the truth, questioning every view. It is not easy or rather difficult to stay calm with the obvious pressure on our shoulders. Some days my body just refuses to move or to cooperate, the whole system just slows down giving no damn to any deadlines or time and other days I have no idea how to calm my pulses down. I fail to understand self then. Are we in depression or anxiety and do we need medical support? Is this a psychological issue or a mere perspective problem? I wish I had answers to the simplest questions at the least to live through the day. I even go to the extreme of questioning why feed myself and push this life when I dont know the purpose of it. Isn’t something somewhere missing which I fail to notice, may be.

There are days where all I want from this life is to make my parents smile – the pure affectionate smile they give when they are so proud of your achievement. These days I am trying to live by for them, hoping that their faces would give me a reason to live. I am not that old that I should lose all the zest and passion to live, neither am I content with my own achievements so far. May be it will clear itself out one day (is it lame to think so?). Anyway, we have no rights to end what we didn’t start. So let’s live and find out.

May be you can also keep searching, reading, and connecting with similar people to make this ride a bit more easier. Hope you will find your answers soon. Cheers mate 🙂