Hi Allicia!

I found this page today because I was looking for the same answer as you. Im 26 years old and Ive been feeling depressed ever since i started studying set design a year ago. I can really relate to you and felt it was almost my own words when i read your post. All the time I’ve been waiting for a course that i will like but it never comes. I started because i thought i could make colorful, creative and lasting spaces for people in the city and public spaces but now I’m thinking that that is more art and made from self dedication. A set designer work for several months with an environment just to film one scene for 5 minutes and then everything is going in the trash. I just want that paper to prove i can do something because thats what society wants. I just can’t decide if i should stop the education because i would feel like a failure to my family and its only until summer left. My family also think that the most important thing is for me to have an education. Im behind with a lot of reports that i can’t do because i have new one’s to deal with and i just don’t want to do them and feel like you said, forcing myself to be free. I feel really stressed and feel like i have to decide now or never.

In my depressed thoughts about going to school this morning i was googling “you are not your feelings” and found this article on this page that i thought helped me a lot http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/living-right-now-you-are-not-your-thoughts-and-feelings/ and http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/the-power-of-acceptance-stop-resisting-and-find-the-lesson/ It told me to live right now and act in response of what I am aware of what I value, problem comes when the behavior takes us away from the things we value and also starts creating more problems then it solves, notice whats happening (the feeling we get) and choose a respond, question; why am I experiencing something in this situation? List all possible explanations. “So instead of staring at the closed door in front of us, or getting tired and bruised while we try to break it down, let’s turn around and see how many other windows we have open”.

This helped me today and I am actually thinking of resign om Monday and do something I can be happy with living in now instead. I think maybe its just that I like beautiful things for me and the people around. Like art, music and nature. It would be nice to do some volunteer work and maybe some art project there if i could only make som money of it, thats the problem.
Its fantastic that you want to make great things for people and i hope you can practice your passion in art. I just wish I would not be so afraid of starting something on my own because I know that doing something for all the people will be appreciated and could work. Im practicing and maybe in the future when i figured it out! Its like old people say “I do not regret anything I’ve done, I regret everything I haven’t done”.

I hope this could help because it helped me.
Love Matilda