I want to ask how you people deal with the abuse from the past? I am not sure any of you have been hurt by people as bad as I have been but I just want to know how to move on. It would remove the weight of a world off my shoulders if I could do that. I have been stuck in ptsd for one year and I doubt it will ever get better. I can’t afford quality psychotherapy so I am screwed.

Thanks again everyone. I wanted to reply to everyone individually but I don’t have the energy for it.  Don’t feel like writing much though.

I don’t know how I appear intelligent to you guys. In real life almost everyone including my parents have called me dumb many times. Even I don’t think my brain is capable of anything productive. Maybe you guys are trying to cheer me up by calling me intelligent but let’s face it, I am dumb as rocks.

Today I enrolled for a new set of courses in my uni. My time is university is close to ending as I only have four semesters left. My cgpa is not looking too good but if I push it and resit some exams, I might graduate with a 3.3. But what’s the point? I have no idea how I will get a job with my level of incompetency in the work environment. I am willing to work. I am willing to contribute. I just don’t know how I can solve my problems.

I keep looking for social skills books online and always end up disappointed as they more or less repeat what I already know. Most of them talk about how most relationships are about giving and taking, importance of eye contact, body language, posture, empathy and stuff like that. I know the stuff but making it happen in real life is impossible for me. I just don’t know where it goes wrong. I don’t know anything. Today, I went to a restaurant with a classmate and he said that I look weird and lifeless. I felt like laughing out loud for him stating the obvious. He only went with me because I paid the bills for him.

Life is teaching me how naive and soft I am. The more I look around, the more I feel how messed up this crazy world is. In life, you have to be brutal and uncaring just like the forces of nature to get what you want. Being a nice guy just makes you a loser. I know this, but it’s so hard to change.

and @petal, I want to work with my dad but he is a royal cunt. He is one of the most inconsiderate people I have met in my whole life. He doesn’t care that I am autistic. He has no patience and he won’t make the effort to teach me anything. He always hurts my feeling by calling me dumb. I have no hope of becoming skilled enough to handle the job of being a landlord.

I feel like stopping here. Maybe I will write again.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Pain.

@anita I want to take the time to appreciate what you have wrote for me. As you can see, I do compare my life with other people’s. It is a bad habit I picked up over the years. I get that in this life we have only ourselves to work with and comparing with others is useless, but it’s not easy to give up.

I am interested in the healing process you mentioned, what is it and how has it made you feel better?

• This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Pain.

@coconut thanks but I think you have a wrong perspective about life. I have seen many people like who say things like- “That man is homeless because he is a lazy fuck. He deserves to be poor.” or “You deserved it because you are a weirdo” without even knowing what situation that person is in.

I am not saying we don’t have choices in life. However that only applies to average people. People like me who are mentally handicapped, we don’t have the power to do stuff like the average person. I already said in my post that I am quite low on the autism spectrum. My social skills never grew no matter how much I tried. I have basically no idea about life. I don’t know anything.

Many people talk about specialized help but I never found it. Where is it?

• This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Pain.