Hi Amanda,

I’m going through a similar thing so I can understand how you feel. I’m also looking for answers because I’m still with him.
You on the otherhand already know you don’t want to be with him anymore so it should be easier… it just needs some time.

We (you and I) just need to work out WHY we feel this way and how to change this thinking.
I think you feel this way because you always believed that this person has always loved you and only you… his “undying love” for you etc. So it’s hard to accept that he could be interested in another woman. It’s hard to find someone who loved you so much, it made you feel SPECIAL, unique and valued. Now that he’s moving on or seems to interested in another woman, does it make you feel “am I no longer special?”. You said it yourself “Simply over the THOUGHT, the mere IDEA that he might not be so obsessed with me anymore. That his undying love and attention could be given to someone else.”

It’s human psychology to take things for granted and only start to WANT IT when someone else wants it hehe. I’m like that, very selfish as well. I always took his love for granted until one day he almost cheated on me, that’s when I had all my claws out, trying desparately to impress him again.

Now, it might have nothing to do with “wanting attention from men”. I’m sure you’re an attractive woman with enough attention from men, but it’s just about this ONE guy. He made you feel special and loved, exclusively. If he was just another player who can just love any woman, then you wouldn’t give a crap and wouldn’t feel this way.

So now, HOW do we get over this? By accepting that:

– It’s possible for him to fall out of love with you because HE has changed. His thinking has changed, he has grown as a person and look at things differently. Not because you’re no longer special.
– Realising the more bitter & jealou you are, the less he will respect and value you. I know this but I can’t stop being jealous myself! It’s very hard but you have to try.
– Research around and read on other people’s esperience and advice. I recommend this article http://www.rachaellay.com/why-worrying-about-cheating-is-pointless/ and this one http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-stop-playing-the-blame-game/ (point 4 – Let go of the problem)

If you’re still feeling this way about him, may be it’s best to stay away from each other for awhile. Being “friends” is too hard for you to get over these feelings. Me, I’m still living with the guy so I’m struggling to get over it, stop being so jealous and suspicious and paranoid all the time, I hate myself for being this weak. I have also been so depressed over this and still am. It’s a serious problem and you should seek professional help, like a relationship Therapist. I’ve diagnosed myself with some sort of a personality disorder 🙂 Because I do realise I’m too possessive of this person (and not any other guy I’ve been with).

It’s good that you’re talking about this and trying to find ways to find peace again. It’s horrible living with these feelings, I’d know. I hope we can share our experience and ideas to get over this and be better people.