Dear Lucy,

It’s good to know I’m not the only who has faced anxieties in relationships before. I’ve definitely been suffering with this form of anxiety since before I began my relationship with my current boyfriend. I thought I was in control when we began, and perhaps I was, I simply found my way back to that level of insecurity and have had a lot of trouble getting out of it. I’m definitely embracing the space we’re taken as a way for me to really find myself and focus on building my confidence, however, it still comes with the difficulties of trying to stay focused on moving forward. My anxiety has definitely made me believe he isn’t giving me enough love or showing it how I want, however, I notice a different pattern between my last few relationships and ones where I was confident. I agree I need to be confident and validated in myself and am currently working towards that. I think time and dedication is the only way to truly switch these automatic thoughts that cause me anxiety.

Dear Anita,

I think by needy I mean always seeking love from him to feel better. While it may not always seem that way, oftentimes I feel as if when I’m unhappy for any number of reasons, I seek his love, or attention, to make me feel better. I like being in a state of mind where I don’t need others to make me happy, where I can be happy and content in my own self. While I don’t think it’s bad to seek help, I don’t like being accustomed to always looking to my boyfriend to feel better. I definitely agree what I need right now is healing, I guess I’m just confused between what I actually need from a partner to have a healthy relationship, and what is simply anxiety/insecurity making it’s way through. Perhaps managing and overcoming the anxiety will make that clearer.