Yes they’re still together. He changed now though. He stopped drinking like 4 years ago but the damage was done. I don’t live with them anymore so it doesn’t really phase me anymore because he is different now. I was never really angry at him, I do feel some type of resentment but in a weird twisted way I always felt bad for him. Like he knew exactly what to say when I was a kid so I’d feel bad for him and also my mom so I was kinda trapped in between them- feeling bad for both but also in a way resenting both at the same time. This probably all comes back to my relationships with men and what I allow in my relationships.

You are very correct. It definitely existed but with this relationship it kinda got worse so it’s definitely something I need to work on. Probably comes from the fact that my father was an alcoholic and I was always in between him and my mom while they were arguing. If I think about it my ex is like my father. Emotionally detached so no wonder I fell for him.

I did break down yesterday and it”s just the feeling of not being good enough that kills me..I understand relationships end and it”s completely normal but man… these feelings are the worst. And then I also had a woman message me saying he broke up with me because I”m ugly so that just made me feel more like I”m not good enough. He wouldn”t get bored of me if maybe I was different.. I don”t know I”m just rambling at this point. I guess I”m just scared he will find someone better one day that he will commit too. Just that feeling because I did a lot for him and knowing that someone might come along and he”ll fall madly in love and won”t get bored of her… I guess these feelings and thoughts need to be here now until I get over him…Sorry for rambling. It”s just easier to type than talk to someone in person right now

Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it. It will be a long process and I”m aware that damage has been done on my mental health considering I do have anxiety attacks quite often now but I also know that this pain won”t last forever even though right now it might seem like it but I tend to comfort myself with knowing that I”m not the first and the last person to go through a break up. It”s just the feeling of not being good enough that kills me… As he was pushing further away I did more and more to prove my worth.. flew his mom to Europe cause he hasn”t seen her in 2 years, his auntie and cousins.. So I kinda feel like if someone doesn”t appreciate me doing so many things… what”s the point of even trying another relationship?  but I do have to work on myself and focus on myself. I”m 26 and sometimes I have thoughts of “what if I end up alone” or “what if no one will find me attractive anymore” .. I go back and forward with my thoughts so yes.. I have a long way to go. But… I got this 🙂