Hello,

My heart goes out to you because I can tell this has taken a toll on you. To answer your question, of course you deserve to forgive yourself. You deserve happiness and love just as much as every person on this planet. Sometimes, we have to go through experiences like this in order to learn from them. Regardless, you can choose to see this experience as an opportunity to be a better partner and individual and by doing so, will gain so much more than you can now understand.

My advice would be to truly understand how you could have handled the situation differently. Accept your share of responsibility and apologize for what you feel you did wrong. Be as honest with them as you have been with yourself and take steps to moving on with your life. This experience shouldn’t loom over your head for the rest of your life and by taking immediate steps to fix the problem, you’ll be doing just that.

Beating yourself up and making yourself feel even worse isn’t helping anyone so it’s time to change your approach to the situation. Take responsibility, apologize, and let it go. You are not defined by your past and you’re not going to benefit from making yourself feel bad. This is your opportunity to become the person you want to be rather than the person you used to be.

I hope this helps you and I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog. Use it if you ever need advice.

The quick answer is yes, you perceive your ability to adapt slower when you first begin the process of adaption. When depressed the mind moves quickly to one scenario after another and is constantly working to deal with the stress this causes. However, when one chooses to change their mindset and live presently, they see that life moves at a slower pace than the mind does. Meditation is key to staying present and essential to overcoming the desire to slide back into a depressing mindset.

There is no way to speed up your connection to your life. The harder you try to force a connection, the more distant one will become. Oneness with life must be earned in order to be appreciated. If we are given something without working for it, then our ability to express gratitude is limited. There are certain lessons that need to be grasped that take time to understand. Life is a short process, my friend.
“Success is about the journey, not the destination.” Enjoy the process and find happiness in the present moment. In this moment, you’re striving to be better, you’re choosing to overcome depression with happiness and you’re learning how to empower yourself. That is something you should be proud of and something that takes a lot of bravery. Just learn to have a sense of humor with life and realize that you’re exactly where you need to be.

I hope this helps. Good luck on your journey.
thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog, feel free to check it out if you are ever in need.

Hey Trevor,
As someone who was once in your shoes, I understand where you’re coming from. In today’s society, men are suppose to be perfect in every way and it’s insane to expect that from someone. It’s good that you know what you want and it’s even better that you’re aware of your own weaknesses because those are essential to creating a good relationship. With that said, what you’re attracting in your life is what you’re thinking about. This should clarify why you haven’t found exactly the right woman yet. Words like can’t, try, and impossible close off your chances of finding the right person.

So first off, change your outlook on the situation. Yes, it is difficult. But if you aren’t willing to make a real effort, don’t expect to get real results.

Secondly, of course it’s a turn off to open up with your weaknesses. Most people don’t want to start a relationship off like that. Exert your positive traits more often and stop trying to force things. If something is meant to work out, it will work out. Everything else is just a lesson to learn and grow from. The moment you let go and allow yourself to flow with the push and pull of life, you will find your success.

But overall, stop thinking negatively about this, stop putting yourself down and telling yourself it’ll never happen. As long as you continue thinking that way, it’ll continue to be your reality. Open yourself to the impossible.

Have faith in yourself and your ability to be a good partner. I hope this helps.
thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog. Use it if you ever need advice.

Hey,
So before we can brush off rejection we have to understand why it makes us feel so badly first. Ignoring the issue will only suppress it and can make it even worse. Stop rejecting that part of yourself and instead, open yourself to it. The ego is a very real thing and if you’re aware of your own ego, it’s easier to address. However, if we don’t know our ego’s, it tends to run wild with our thoughts and feelings. The ego craves attention, approval, praise, and acceptance. This desire for acceptance and approval from others is why we feel so badly when we’re rejected. It makes us feel like we’re not good enough, less of a human than everyone else, and ugly. Which couldn’t be further from the truth and I hope you realize that.

If we want to get rid of that feeling of rejection, we first must accept and approve of ourselves. If we don’t like ourselves, why should we assume others will too? We have to find that love for ourselves first. After we start taking that step, love finds more ways into our lives. Know your value and appreciate who you are. Appreciate the person you are, Respect your place in this life, and believe that you’re worth the effort. You are. We all are.

Stay positive. I know this is tough but I also know that you can be better from this if you choose to learn from the opportunity.

I hope this helps in any way.
thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog. If you need more help, you may find it there.

Hello,
I’m sorry that you’ve suffered to this extent but I am very glad that you have reached out for help. Only when we’re willing to admit that we need help can we begin to change. I want you to know that the less you care for yourself, the less you can help others. Including your family. You, above all others, need your own love and acceptance. When you truly accept and love yourself, you will be able to give so much more to the ones around you. Your feelings of being stuck in this is just life giving you an opportunity to grow into the person you want to be. But first, you need to start taking care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, educate yourself, and learn to start bettering the person you are. It’s essential to know what you want, who you want to be, and to know where you’re heading if you keep this up.

Secondly, fighting will never resolve issues or make you feel better. It’s a bottomless pit of anger and pain. So, don’t contribute to those arguments anymore. Speak calmly and respectfully and ask they do the same if speaking to you. The moment you lose your temper, you give up any chance of a peaceful outcome. Speak your feelings peacefully and compassionately. This will serve as a lesson that will strengthen you if you succeed.

And lastly, step back and just relax. I know this is stressful but stress is only making it harder for you to do what is right. Breathe and relax and take immediate steps to make life simpler. Start small but know where you want to be. I don’t want to overwhelm you with words that only grow more repetitive. It’s time to start doing and time to start taking responsibility for yourself.

thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog. Look at it and reach out if you need help. Don’t hold it in.

I hope this helps in any way.
Be strong and know you’re not alone.

Hey dude,
I want to address the comment you made, “I try to stay positive but it can be really hard to stop imagining how my life could have been, or how it ‘should’ be. People say your twenties are the best years of your life, but my 20′s have so far been spent struggling and ‘trying’ to enjoy life.” First, you need to eliminate the word try from your vocabulary. Try is an illusion. You’re either doing it or you’re not. There’s no in-between. Secondly, everyone’s life is differently. Think about it, what do the majority of people do in their 20’s anyways? Many spend it drinking, or going back and fourth between relationships, or even experimenting with things they’ve never tried before. That’s not my idea of the best years. Like you, I can’t stand alcohol, i’m too energetic for caffeine, and drugs aren’t something I’m okay with putting in my body. I too, have social anxiety and depression and have been dealing with them, without medication or therapy, my entire life.

I cannot say that I know exactly what you’re going through and nor will I. All I can tell you is that if you stop working, stop working on yourself, and keep focusing on negative things, you’re going to spiral further downward. If you know that this isn’t what you want, then you need to be the one to discipline yourself and pick yourself up. I know this is asking a lot, I’m aware that you may not know how, but I promise you, you absolutely can do this. You need to stop taking yourself and your thoughts so seriously. You get one life and you can either spend it miserably or happily. It’s actually funny how simple being happy is once you figure out how. It’s just a choice. Staying positive can be very difficult in the beginning, especially if you’re in the habit of thinking pessimistically but as you’ve probably figured out, it’s the hard things in life that benefit us the most. Hardships are meant to strengthen us, teach us, and give us the opportunity to grow physically and mentally. You need to see how you’re perceiving your current situation. Yes, it may be hard but you’re going to overcome it.

“Who you are today is who you were yesterday and who you will become is who you are today.”

This is just an opportunity for you to become the person you want to be. It’s going to take a lot but if you stay true, you’ll be the person you want to be. Only when you shut off your negative mindset can you become that person though. I could write a hundred pages about this but in all honesty dude, you just need to get started. Find motivation in knowing where your current choices are leading you and find motivation in becoming the man you want to be. Get a job, start exercising, get out and make it your priority to teach yourself to block out the negativity. You must begin with action. Stop accepting your depression as a reason not to do something. Stop allowing your anxiety to dictate how you interact with the world around you. Open yourself to this life you were blessed with and spend every moment you can sharing that joy with your surroundings. As someone who has been down a similar path, to do nothing and give in is the beginning of the end. Don’t ever think that you don’t deserve happiness. You do. Keep seeking help, keep refusing to give in to the suffering, and witness the man you’ll become.

“Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do.”

I hope this helps.
I have a personal blog that you might benefit from. It’s thepathofaronin.blogspot.com
Let me know if I can help or if you have any specific questions.

Hey Tatjana!
It’s ironic how our last resorts are usually the most helpful and I hope you find the answers you need on here. You know that you’re doing better and that’s good but you need to bring ALL the issues into the light. Step back and really look at what’s going on. Why do you feel the need to be dependent? What causes you to lose your temper? Everything happens for a reason and even though at times we hurt the ones we care about most, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you’re responsible for how they choose to react to this experience. You need to forgive yourself for the blame you hold over your head and accept what has happened. You have the opportunity to make this a positive experience but only if you learn and grow from it.

If you want to be a better partner you need to understand your weaknesses. When you depend on your partner to that extent you limit the relationship and put unnecessary pressure on it as well. A partner isn’t there to make you feel better about yourself, even though that feeling tends to come along with it. Having a partner is about sharing your love for each other, it’s about growing individually and as a couple, it’s about being brave enough to open yourself up completely to someone.

We go through these things in order to learn and the biggest mistake we can make is to ignore that. Some people are in your life just to shake the foundation of who you are and break you down completely in order for you to build yourself back up. So, begin building yourself up! This is the chance to be the person you want to be. It’s your choice. Forgive the past and put it where it belongs; the past. Accept yourself, your past, and your weaknesses so that you can not only begin to find peace within but begin to work on those weaknesses as well. Empty yourself of all the guilt and stress and replace them with understanding and acceptance.

This is your life. Enjoy every minute of it, share that enjoyment with anyone you can, and find happiness in the smallest things.

I have complete faith that you can be the person you want to be. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to heal.

thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog. Use it if you need any help.

Hey Mia,
I would like to commend you for the strength it must have taken to overcome your depression. I would like you to meditate and recall how you were able to have that strength. By doing this, you can take immediate steps to make your situation better. That strength, and so much more of it, is always accessible within yourself. It’s just understanding how to unlock it that takes some time but I know that if you did it once, you can do it again.

Secondly, the world revolves around balance and how you feel is a product of what’s around you. It seems like there is too much negative around you. When you surround yourself with painful news stories, negative thoughts towards yourself, or just focusing on how bad things are it just strengthens the belief that things are all wrong in the world and in your life. I know it’s important to stay up to date with current events, but you need to know when enough is enough. There is a lot of good going on in the world, you just need to open yourself to it.

As Ghandi stated, ‘Become the change you want to see in the world.’ If you truly want to be stronger and have a more positive mental and physical outlook then you need to start with yourself. Figure out what you’re doing that may be condoning negativity and eliminate it from your life. Then fill that space with love, joy, and wonder.

You can find love everywhere. Without love, life would be empty. Find love in appreciation and gratitude for the life you were blessed with and where you are right now. Find joy in the potential you have to inspire others and in your ability to create. Find wonder in the way life works. Spirituality is laughter. Spirituality is joy. When you become overly obsessive over an issue, it just strengthens. Realize this. But no matter what, it all starts with you. I implore you to take that first step. Life is incredible and we’re so blessed to have the small time that we do. I know you will succeed.

Good luck!

Thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog. Use it if you ever need help.