Anne,
I wish you ease and comfort.

My daughter was born one week before my mother died of breast cancer. Soon thereafter I lost my job. I am still here.

I know how it is to walk around in a daze because of losing a loved one. I know what is like to not quite being able to function with normal, day-to-day life activities.

All I can offer is that your grief is OK and cannot be rushed. Do the best you can. It may help to find someone who you can get a hug when you need it, to hold you, to remind you that it’ll be OK sometime, maybe not today but sometime.

Metta,
Mark

Thanks for the reminder Lori.

There is that fine line between suggestions and advice as well as posing questions in response to postings.

dgowens,
I feel your pain of having a partner who does not think well of himself. I can somewhat identify with Tom on not really knowing how to enjoy myself on my own or thinking well of myself despite my multiple graduate degrees. I have told people that I had 3 strikes against me from being in touch with my feelings and emotions: being a guy in a family of 2 brothers, being an engineer with all males of my family who were also engineers, and being in a Japanese American family, a culture not known for being in touch with our emotions.

I woke up to myself when it got to a point of desperation in my life where I signed up for a personal growth seminar at Wings (www.wings-seminars.com). I never laughed so much, cried so much or hugged so many people in my entire life until then. I realized that I really wanted this for myself. This was my “ah ha” moment, a turning point.

Ever since then (15 years ago) I have strived to be in touch with how I feel, to engage in life as much as I can, to be present and mindful, and to live consciously. It still is a struggle to know how I am feeling. Through all this I have learned acceptance and love for myself. This leap of faith in being more of me has attracted loving people in my life.

I tried to be happy with my wife after I woke up to myself. I could not go back. She did not want to support me and liked the “old” me. As much as I wanted to make my marriage work, I finally realized that in order to continue to grow to be me, I could not be married to her. I believe we cannot give up who we are in order to support the people in our life. It was amazing how I opened up since my divorce.

I believe that Tom can make changes in his life too only if he wants to. That is the nub isn’t it?

Does that make sense?

Mark

Hi Christina,
I am not sure what you want from this Tiny Buddha community.

Are you looking for encouragement? just to be listened to? advice?

It seems you are conflicted with your certainity that you do not want to be with your husband and your fears of the consequences of divorce.

There is no one easy answer for there are a multitude of consequences for either which you have already identified.

Even though a lot of us have been through something similar, I feel that it is not any of our places to advise you in your own unique situation (my opinion of course). We do not really know you or your husband or your children. We don’t know your financial situation.

Perhaps a professional counselor just for you to assist you in your decision making process?

Good luck,
Mark

I’m sorry about your overwhelming anxiety Heather.

I am wondering if you have tried to address it with therapy, medication, meditation or other approaches?

I did not have such a powerful response to my anxiety but I got it “cured” with an energy therapy healing process called Body Talk. You can Google it and if you care to pursue it then there are practitioners listed on the IBA Global Healing site or Google under the search words Body Talk and your own geographical location. I know that some practitioners do distance healing as well.

I do find meditation is good regardless I have anxiety or not for it provides a nice foundation for being mindful.
When I find powerful negative emotions such as anxiety, fear, or anger, I go do my meditation and just BE with that emotion, to breath into it with acceptance. I find that helps a lot. The very act of not trying to push it away or distract myself from the emotion helps me to be with myself and all that entails.

Let me know how you are doing.

Metta,
Mark

M@ry,
I want to share my experience. I’m 60 and working on getting into my life’s passion which I only discovered 3 years ago. I knew what I got my degrees for (M.S. in computer engineering, MBA) and what I have been doing (project management in technology) were not my life’s work. What kept me from even uncovering my life’s passion was financial security. I think that is a false concern. I don’t have much of a pension and very little savings but I feel that I don’t have a choice in my life but to pursue what I am meant to do.

There IS that balance between planning for the future versus giving up what you are meant to do in this world. If you go into such scenarios like “What if I’m 65 …?” then you will always make one kind of decision.

How about asking the question, “What if I know I am going to die soon?” THEN that puts a different light in your decision making process.

I beileve the question that should be asked is “Who do I want to be?” Then the activity/job/profession should unfold for you. I don’t think it needs to be an “either/or” decision. If you find a job that does not feed your soul does not mean you have to give up pursuing your life’s work.. at least right away.

The key is to focus on what you really want/who you are and then put that plan in place, set that intention. The Universe and your unconscious will guide you from there.

Let us know what you decide.

Metta,
Mark

Jackie B,
I don’t believe in “shoulds” but what does our heart say to us. This is a bit different from “What do we really want?” even though it is similar.

Check out this TEDx talk where the speaker talks about asking ourselves Who do we want to be? I like that question to guide us the best.

Could you expand on your life circumstances and thinking behind your question/inquiry?

Metta,
Mark

Angel,
Making a decent income was (and still is) a BIG barrier for me. It kept me from even consider anything that spoke to my heart. I was too entrenched in how to make a living to keep me from exploring what was my soul’s purpose.

I believe any small step toward practicing our purpose is better than not doing anything while I am trying to figure out how to make a living out of it. Ex. volunteering, workng part time in it, doing it on my vacation, etc. are options to consider in doing this.

I live a life that keeps my expenses down so I can save and able to face a reduced income endeavor while I ramp up my life’s work.

I would suggest you notice how you like helping people and explore activities to do so in order to gain more specific information. Volunteering in different areas and roles is one way. Informational interviewing those who help so you can get an understanding what they do and how they make a living from that.

Let me know how your exploration is going.

Feel free to contact me directly if you wish for any other suggestions and feedback.

Mark