First thing is to realize that *they* aren’t hurting you. Things they say or do hurt or upset you, but it is *you* who personalizes it. Once you realize that their words and actions take on an entirely different light. Your “suffering” can be dissipated by freeing your attachment to the outcomes of their behavior toward you. “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”

Yes, it is important what others think of you. It’s how you engage in commerce and social functioning. It is not, however, what you are. As long as you maintain integrity of body, mind and soul and live authentically, what others think of you is none of your business. Don Miguel Ruiz’s Agreement 2: Don’t take anything personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Don’t pin your “uselessness” on others. It makes you dependent upon their approval, and subject to their taking it away. I was codependent for a long time. I found my joy in doing for others. I was also depressed…for a very long time. It’s like giving the controls of your own vehicle to a madman driver listening to static on the radio during rush hour. Once I took responsibility for my own temperament, depression no longer ruled me. I may still have it, but it no longer has me. I speak to others. I tell them that *what* they said or did upset me, but I DON’T tell them that they, personally, upset or hurt me. Because they don’t. I am the only one who can determine how I feel. There’s a saying, “Pain is inevitable, suffering is an option.”

If you can acknowledge that “I keep waiting and waiting for a realization…” then you’ve already made that very realization. You just haven’t accepted it. Work it into your life. Make it a part of you.First thing to realize is that they aren’t hurting you. Things they say or do may hurt or upset you, but it is you who personalizes it. Once you realize that their words and actions take on an entirely different light.

~ Mark