Anita,

I appreciate your words and kind criticism. I have been through so much change (good and bad) that it would be foolish to not have learned and grown as a result. Looking back, I am grateful for the ups and down life has brought upon me as it has shaped me into who I am today.

That being said; I wish I knew if my absence will have any affect (if at all) in his life. Ill or not. I will not dwell on that and leave that up to him and the universe to discover and know. All I know is that I no longer wish to deposit the good in me into a bottomless pit. It has cost me so much to be who and where I am today that it is counterproductive to let this circumstance stall my growth and hinder my  chances of finding someone who is true and on the same page as me.

I hope your Fourth of July was spent in great company, eventful or not. I was able to escape into the forest. Nothing but a rowboat, lake, and sunshine!

LOVE,

Ganesha11

Anita,

When we ended our relationship in April of 2016 we still kept a close contact, too close of a contact. It was not until October of that same year that we finally cut all ties and so the animosity began. During the actual relationship period I would not say we  wronged one another, it was a great relationship which did not flourish because of his insecurities.  We did however wrong each other after cutting off contact in October.

That October he cut all ties with me because I messaged him via messenger on my birthday (December.) A simple text that read; “Hope all is well, I miss you and will always love you.” The profile photo was of me in Vegas from late October. He accused me of sending the message with the intention of him seeing that photo and triggering him. The words I said were nto not the trigger, it was seeing me “move on” and do things without him. Note that these were his exact words once again this past time, I “triggered him” by saying hello to the mutual contact.

After that incident he blocked me from everywhere and this is one thing I knew from him to have a tenancy to do with women in his life. I felt like everything I had ever done for him meant nothing. I felt like the love we expressed and shared in the end was literally thrown into the trash as a never existing memory. It hurt me, deeply, to see how I was just another woman on his blocked list. This was where the tension between us started and grew to what it is. I got my apology, what I though I needed to finally have good closure and peace with this whole ordeal, truth is, I don’t.

He moved on to another  relationship and seems to be doing good for himself, which I am happy for him. I do realize that this is in part to me having been the one who truly fell deeply, madly in love with him, so much to the point I swore he was THE ONE. I accept that this was not his case and I am okay with that, that is the risk we take when we love so deeply and carelessly without measuring a possible negative outcome.

I just want to permanently find the closure to this whole ordeal and move on in peace. I am one who tends to always forgive but never forget. Is that my problem ?- Not letting go of the pain he caused?

Hello Anita

I apologize for the delayed response as there is a lot going on.

First and most important: there is no more relationship. We spent the weekend discussing these issues that he is not convinced of, we contemplated the relationship as a whole and came to the conclusion that it is best we part ways. By participating in this forum it helped me to realize that, yes, it was not our cultural differences or age or lifestyle but our perspective on what a relationship should be. How we communicate and resolve these issues that keep coming up, as he is ad feels he just can’t and won’t overcome them.

To answer your question, he quit therapy because he did indeed think the therapist was incompetent and not for him. As he has quit other therapist in the past for the exact same reason. We are speaking of someone who believes he is “auto sufficient”, who needs no one and is perfectly fine with the issues he has within himself. He basically refuses to get help for something he knows will continue to hurt him, in relationships, all his life.

He is aware that I did all I could and love him like no other and vice versa. On a level of 1-10 I can make him experience love and happiness at a level 10, i.e. cooking him a special candlelight dinner, letters, notes, songs and so on. As on a level of 1-10 I can make him experience a 12 just by saying in an argument the simple words of; “you’re being ridiculous”. He feels pain at a greater level then he does happiness, even though the love he gets/feels from me is unmeasurable, he will always feel his pain in greater. This truly saddens me, because he is a great person who deserves to be happy and experience love in a natural way where he doesn’t have to question it so much. With or without me I wish he could heal from “his demons”.

As you can see and stated yourself, it is a cycle that will always continue. There will always be reasons for his discontent and pain. And when he accepts this as his weakness and defeat, well, it hurts me. Hurts me greatly that it has to end this way. Knowing the amazing person and boyfriend that he can be, and knowing he has the potential to only be better if he could seek help for himself. I truly love him, I care for him and have always been supportive and tried to help him overcome this, alone and by suggesting he seek therapy. I did this with the best intentions of getting him better for him, without any interest in gaining anything for myself.

This time around I have some peace in knowing I did everything I possible could, as well as he did. And at the same time it crushes me, having a divorce under my belt and a failed 10 month relationship. How can I continue and be optimistic about love? What advice can you give me?

Thank you, again for your replies.