Hello Manuel,
I have just registered to be able to answer you.
I have read your catharsis text and it touched me deeply. I am myself dealing with a break up right now, and I’m suffering a lot. I am 32. I have been on your side of the story, now it’s my turn on you -ex side of the story.
I have been on a relationship with a guy for 6 1/2 years, and for the last 2 years I was exactly in the same position as you. I started living a double life too, had extreme panic attack several times, etc. In my case, my partner broke up with me; of course I felt like my world was over, but a part of me was still curious about “the world outside the relationship”. Then I have been in several “relationships” with different people, and took some time to know what I have lost. Then I had to deal with all my insecurities, traumas, anxiety problems on my own. But I think I did. It took me a lot of time to heal from the empty the relationship left me, and get over him, and even more time to heal my previous wounds.
One year and a half ago I met this beautiful girl, we connected in a way was unbelieavable. We’ve been together for 1 year, but then she is now when I was before with my ex. She is fooling around, overwhelmed with guilty feelings, etc, and I can see from here she is also suffering.
I don’t know how to make sense of all these also. But I guess we are learning.