Hi Mary I totally understand as I was not only single but also my son left home so the house was like an empty large shell that I rattled around in and I spent every night crying. I have masses of friends, money, a great business and I am attractive but I just wanted a partner. Sorry but I think I did have a big D for desperate and free to good home on my head….and in my heart. I did the dating websites but if you go down this route be prepared to have some knocks as you will like guys who won’t connect with you and vice versa, some guys put pictures on ten years younger duh and when you put all your energy into getting ready to meet them and do it is disgusting – one guy I just got out of the car and told him I wouldn’t be staying. I personally do not like these sites not in the position you are in.
What did I do? I got involved in clubs such as a poetry club and a walking club and joined the gym – all making me use both my body and mind and removing the focus to working on both and gradually got uplifted. I stilll have lonely days but no more lonely tears as I have so many friends now and know if I feel low off to the gym I go for some positive energy. Holistic therapies such as reiki helped me too and look at crystals online for some to carry.
The best thing ever I did was go on a mountain climb challenge and met some awesome people and found someone with so much in common with me it was amazing and he is the love of my life and I cannot believe I am with him – definitely a character out of my ‘box’ and not someone I would have ticked or been matched up with on my internet dating profile- just really be strong and if I have a little extra I will send it to you and go and get out there – the world will not come to you.
Those books are great but action is what you need now Mary. I wish you all the best as sadness, loneliness and misery are tremendous burdens. Go for it gel x

Hi and Matt what you wrote is beautiful and obviously I need to read it again and embrace it but I totally understand where Marie is coming from as I too have a constant battle with inferiority. Although I am privilidged as maybe it is not so severe. I read the article on this site about comparing yourself which hit alot of notes and almost made me cry but gave me a positive way forward. But I do think it is very much in Western culture that we are made to feel inferior by the constant barrage of perfect women images and perfect families. Having recently spent time abroad in a Muslim country I have felt far more confident as having to cover your body more actually makes me feel more of a person valued for my knowledge, wisdom and personality rather than my slim legs or made up face and glam hair. A strange thing maybe to say Marie but we really do pull each other down in this country and also we are loathe to compliment as for example I see a beautiful lady just like you and instead of saying “Wow you look fantastic”-my thoughts instead go to jealousy and that insecurity voice says “She looks so much better than you”. I know too I am a smart intelligent beautiful business woman so I wish I too could flick that demon off my shoulder. But whilst in the Muslim country the women kept holding me and saying how beautiful I was and there was no jealousy and likewise I started to say the same.
I am on a journey to really try and deal with this insecurity as it holds you back in your business and has many times in my personal relationships with panics and anxieties that I am not good enough for that particular person therefore I have sent them packing prior to allowing them to finish the relationship – simply pushed them away. It is crazy. I blame past relationships but I have to deal with it now and I believe I can do this a step at a time and if we women start to support each other more and understand the pressures upon us we will be so much more confident and happier. I worry about young girls who are going through even more pressure. If you have a young girl switch off the TV more and throw away beauty magazines – they are not allowed in my house. Also for yourself do not buy magazines with diet, look better or how to have the perfect life – they are rubbish and meaningless. Far more important is your soul and spirit and your input into the world. Think about what attracts you to someone and they it makes you realise. I am interested to hear other opinions .