Hello N, wow, your posts are really moving and, after reading them, I couldn’t help by trying to reach out to you.. N, you didn’t lose anything , you didn’t lose all those years in your life. Throughout all those “lost” years, everything in your life had a reason; everyday had a meaning. God chose YOU to fulfill his purpose. I don’t know you, but I’m sure that during those years, you have achieved a lot and even if not for yourself, being in the army, you must’ve done a lot of good deeds for others and for your country. God wouldn’t have had put you up to this, if He hadn’t known that YOU were the RIGHT person for the job.

We all going to die at one point, N. All dies, nothing lives forever. Try to embrace your every day because every day that we live is a blessing from God. I don’t know how old you are (30s? 40s?) Many people don’t get to live as long, N. Yet, you have been given a chance to wake up every morning and start all over. Don’t be ashamed of what you feel. Acknowledge your emotions by setting aside a time of a day that you know you’re going to feel down and let yourself feel. Cry out loud, that helps. Don’t hold it in.

Develop awareness that this will pass and the next morning the sun will rise again to give you a chance to spend your time on productive and good things in your life. Try to volunteer at a local food pantry, salvation army, or a homeless shelter. Helping others will let you feel needed and will give your life a purpose.

And it is sometimes a good idea to just trust the flow of life, or if you have God, trust in him. Learn to trust despite all odds, that good things are being worked out for you. Some things we can control and some we can’t.

All of this has a purpose.

Stay strong as you have been. After all, you have found this site 🙂

Hugs,

Madonnnika

Cut him lose and all you’ll lose is an illusion. That man has never been, is nor is he or WILL HE EVER BE ABLE to understand your worth or beauty as a human being or your needs. Be aware of your worth! That man is just a projection surface. He is not what he seems to be. He’s not even real. BY his very nature, he holds nothing that you want or need. You may be needy, but do not look at him for fulfillment of these needs. You will get hurt. There are great and wonderful sources of happiness and fulfillment in the world that you will miss if you focus on this moron. YOU CANNOT, CANNOT, CANNOT change this man. You cannot make a fox into a bird. Develop awareness that your lifetime on this planet is limited and that you want to spend this time for productive and good things, and not waste it on people who hold nothing you deserve, want or need! It will take more time to heal.. But you’re already on your way to healing. DON’T TURN BACK. Some things we can control and some we can’t. Everything that happens to us has a purpose. It is sometimes a good idea to just trust the flow of life and when you let that man go, trust in God. Learn to despite all odds, that good things are being worked out for you. That if God takes something away, he has something better in store. This will pass and better days will come. Continue being strong as you are. Good luck!