Hi Anita,

My apologies, that was a mistake. My name is Madi.

I would say my relationship with my parents has been very positive. They are very supportive and caring and often support me in chasing my dreams. I think I do feel bad that I am not able to reach what I think their expectations are of me.

Love,

Madi

Dear Kavita,

Yes, I also felt like the actions I did do are not being recognized and are somehow less than what I didn’t do.

Thank you for giving me the encouragement to take a stand. I understand what you mean by that and I guess I just don’t want to lose the friendship so I’m trying to be careful with how I go forward.

I am also reflecting inwards and giving myself time to think about what has happened and how I could avoid it in the future.

Love,

Madi

Dear Anita,

Thank you for your input. Here are the details that may help you:

(1) what did you do for him

– we’ve been friends for a while so I would say we’ve done a lot for each other like staying up late to do homework, helping him finish big essays, talking for hours on the phone when he was stressing, going out for stress relief like for a coffee or a dinner, and other meaningful things like thar

– when he broke up with his partner, I was there for him with his other best friends but unfortunately because I was preparing for a big career exam, I couldn’t talk to him as often as I perhaps should have, I wanted to hang out with him but he also just wanted to spend time doing things so I didn’t ask him to sit and study with me and instead he hung out with different friends doing activities. I tried to check up on him as often as possible but I will say I didn’t do it often enough

(2) what did he do for you

– he has done the same things for me, always been there for me through my ups and downs such as figuring out my career, studying for my exams, talking with me for a long time about my problems or concerns, laughed with me, everything as my closest best friend

(3) what are his unmet expectations

– he was going through some hard times in life when he had to move away for work for a bit, I didn’t get a chance to visit him while he was there even though a lot of our mutual friends did. he said that I should’ve come but that I didn’t want to make the effort to come even though I was his best friend; he said that ever since this happened, he’s come to expect that I simply won’t be there for him; my parents are kind of strict about these things and even though I wanted to go, I never got a chance to because, at that time, I had begun working quite often, I was busy planning with my family for a big family event, and my parents were not comfortable with me going

– he told me how he sent me so many texts and requests to talk while he was away but I was never available. It’s true that I often did not have a chance to reply to the texts but I do know I did call every chance I got and we would talk on the phone for hours; however, I got the feeling that because I didn’t visit in person, my phone calls were not enough

(4) how long has this friendship being going on

– 7 years

(5) what is the nature of the friendship

– he is definitely someone I consider my closest confidant and best friend, I trust him with information that I don’t tell my family or anyone else

(6) did he complain to you before about you not being there for him in one way or another

– when I was writing my first exam, he did bring up that he felt neglected in our friendship and that I never asked to study with him but that was mostly just because we get distracted whenever we do hang out; he also said that I did not call/text him as much; I did address this with him and he told that me he understood that the exam needed to be a priority for me and that he would remain as a support for me, we had worked past that and we were just beginning to get better

(7) did he complain to you before that other people not there for him

– yes he has told me that he gives a lot to people and that he feels that people are not there for him, I also think he does do a lot for people but that they can sometimes let him down

(8) what were the mistakes you owned up to

– I owned up to my absence, such as not visiting him while he was away and not replying to his texts as often or forgetting to reply to him

– I also owned up to the fact that I do tend to become closed off whenever I have my big exams coming up because I end up focusing on nothing else but that

– I recently started seeing someone and this was while I was studying again for a really big exam. I ended up spending a lot of time with this person because they would study with me; this happened to be at the same time that my best friend was going through a breakup and he felt that instead of spending time with him I was spending more time and effort with this new person I was seeing; I tried to explain that it wasn’t really me going out of my way to spend time with this person but I think my friend still got the picture that I wanted to spend more time with someone new rather than helping him through his hard times; I also admitted that there were times that I wasn’t actually studying and just spending time with the person I was seeing, but it was mostly for stress relief because I would get tired and my friends were often busy doing their own thing

– I agreed that I wasn’t there to support him as much but I also tried in my best way to do that by asking him if wanted study with me while I was studying but at the time of his breakup, he really just wanted to go out and do things instead of sitting in one place; I never mentioned any of this because I wasn’t sure what to say

(9) Did he ever make any mistakes with you and did he own up to them.

– he has made some mistakes with me but I have honestly let them go because I usually work through why he has done what he did; he is certain that he has always been there for me but I know there were times when I needed him and he had other priorities or was busy with other people but I know for myself that because I remember all the times he has been there, I never held it against him when he wasn’t around; I don’t want to say that I’m better in any way but I just feel as though I usually would move on because I never once thought that his support wasn’t there if he wasn’t around

Thank you Anita.

Love,

Madi