It’s been hard for me to see that I have chosen to have people in my life who are not healthy. I trusted the untrustworthy because I didn’t trust myself.
I hate the thought that we teach people how to treat us but it appears to be true. In future I will confide much less in people and keep a journal where I can express my truth. There are folks who seem to rejoice in the pain of others. Avoid them like the plague that they are. Lack of discernment was one of my many troubles and I dragged the past into today causing myself misery over and over. When I told people how I’d been mistreated and ripped off I was opening myself to awakening the thief and abuser in others. I was saying, without being conscious of it ” I am a person who can be mistreated and stolen from.” Recently a ” friendship ” ended and , along with it, I hope, my past way of being endlessly tolerant. Why should any of us tolerate any kind of abuse? Maybe I thought it made me a better person. I don’t think so now because there was too often an undercurrent of resentment about the way I was being treated and she never admitted to wrong-doing. She even took a job that I was going to be for our mutual benefit. I forgave her but became wary also. Friendship is supposed to be fun, supportive and caring. If a relationship is not those things it is not friendship. I was also depressed and too lazy to make better friends. I am responsible for my experiences in life and my reactions.
My former friend was constantly putting me down and arguing with me if I expressed an opinion. So I thought of what I’d so often said to others, ” if you’re in a dance with someone and they are waltzing, start dancing the polka. They will not be able to keep waltzing. I asked my friend if we could study something spiritual together. She walked out of my life just when my brother was dying. I discovered that, while I was angry, I was greatly relieved. With a friend like her I didn’t need enemies. She has talked against me but I don’t care. The people who listen to her will hear how nasty she is being rather than what may be wrong with me. I can’t worry about how others experience me. I’m not going to turn myself into a pretzel to please people who don’t matter. I’m not going to dim my lights so someone else won’t be jealous.
Please try to just be grateful for the lessons learned from your negative experiences. Don’t pull them into the present where it sounds like you have a wonderful opportunity to create a much happier life.
I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your family member. Hospice often has programs to help the newly bereaved. My brother died a month ago and I’m going to honour his memory by creating as good a life as I can for myself. There is also a Facebook page called ” grief speaks out ” where you will find comfort and understanding.

Good luck with your journey. Love, hugs and blessings, Lyla

Hi Sandy,

i think Helen is right on with what she says. Remember that old Barbra Streisand song ” People who need people are the luckiest people in the world”?
Needing others to make us feel good about ourselves makes us the unluckiest people in the world. When I see what I can add to the lives of others instead of complaining about how negative I feel, it transforms my world.
Service to others is the centre of my life and I feel good about myself and am never lonely. People who volunteer for a cause have an automatic sense of connection.
There are so many opportunities in every community to help those less fortunate than ourselves. Go be a visitor in an old folks home. You will be so welcomed and so cherished. Old people need younger ones to tell their stories to. As long as I am thinking only about me it doesn’t take too long before I become negative.
Write a gratitude list every day. List your health, sight, your gifts and talents and see what you can take and give out to the world. be interested in others even if you have to fake it a bit in the beginning. people connect to those who show interest and kindness.

Hugs, Lyla

Hi Nathan, You already have your own answers. Live in the present as the person you are now. By doing good in the world you will atone for anything you may have done wrong before you knew the way you live today. Don’t torture yourself with imaginings about things you don’t remember because we can’t go back and relive the past. You sound to me like a good man with a good awareness of himself. Give yourself a break and embrace all your positive qualities. I hope this helps. If you did do something awful in the past other people would remember even if you did not.