So far this break practically ended on its own, he calls me his girlfriend and speaks about us as if none of the break drama happened. I dont mind him just completely ignoring all the hurt and drama especially when things are going well. My only concern is that we havent spoken any of that problems and pain from the break through. How do i know what state of heart his in or if his just testing the waters to see if he really wants to be with me. Today is suppose to be our anniversary and i dont want to remind him…i dont want to be the one chasing him and doing all the effort. Hes still working on his financial state as the money from this fight isnt going to last forever. I support his ventures and i do my best not to have too much of a say in his plans. I want to give him his freedom and not pressure him into loving me. He was really battling with his sex drive for about 3 weeks. We were doing okay but he was training alot and he was exhausted 90% of the time. I really felt that maybe he truly doesnt feel that way about me anymore. And i know he was casually chatting to other girls while we were on the break. Now that his fights over and he has more time on his hands everything going great, the communication, openness, honesty, affection, playfulness has been wonderful. But i have so much insecurities and i even feel a bit uncomfortable with him seeing my body. I have these thoughts that he sees other attractive women and is stuck with my average body. I know all this these insecure thoughts come from the break and him speaking to other women. But im working on building up my self esteem. I wore this red top that was a bit revealing and he felt very uncomfortable with the other guys looking at me and told me to please not wear it again although he thinks i look hot it in, he doesnt like seeing guys look at me like that. I feel like hes attention was all over the place for the last couple of months and he barely looked at me, only time i got real attention from him during the break was when we would have emotionless sex as he requested. Now that im actually getting noticed by other males he has the nerve to voice his opinion when i stayed loyal to him through all the heartache and while he was actually speaking to other women and ignoring me. One day we were texting and we were sharing how happy we are and i said ” dont worry im not going to pressure you with the I Love You and Forever Crap” he then said ” Thats really mature of you, you so understanding towards my mindset” and i didnt say anything after that, Couple of days later we got into bed and we were cuddling as usually when he randomly said ” *my name* I love you, You are so amazing, you are so thoughtful and so caring, Im so lucky to have you” and i just blanked out in anxiety, i couldn’t get a word out of my mouth. He then asked me if i love him and i paused then said ” Yes I love you too” and then we just held each other tight and fell asleep. The next morning I sent him a text apologizing that i took so long to say i love him too and that i thought we weren’t going to do that again. He didn’t reply and chose to ignore and pretend i didn’t say anything. He looks at me with love in his eyes and wants to spend time with me and make plans together but i have so much anxiety.

Thank you, I will take your advice and ill keep you posted on how everything’s going or if any worries come up.

We use to have a purpose in this relationship, He isnt the type to date just for the fun of it, as i am the first girl he wanted to change his old ways for. He saw a future with me and that was hes reason for us living together. He then got lazy and overwhelmed with all the responsibility he had. Financially he is struggling and he has so many goals for himself and us but it just doesnt seem to be happening for him. His crises lasted about 3 months and out of nowhere when we were on the verge of breaking up he decided he wants to work on his issues. He said it wasnt fair that he didnt know what he wants and keeps pushing me away and then pulling me back in. He said he was afraid that what if he doesnt want this in the future then he breaks my heart all over again. So knowing there could be another heartbreak in a future with him scares me so much. Things are going good and we’ve made healthy changes in the relationship but i cant help but fear he may want out again when im most vulnerable and trusting him again. After his fight i will get to see if hes serious about making a change and putting effort in. He is very focused and preparing for this fight so now is not a good time to speak about emotions and relationship based stuff. Im being the best girlfriend he needs right now and i hope he starts putting in the effort in fulfilling my needs.

Dear Anita,

Everything seems to be going good again. He has been showing all the promising signs of wanting a relationship and possibly a future with me again, but i try not get into that space again of comfort in his word. He and i are doing well, ive been going above and beyond to help him during his fight camp, 3 weeks till his fight and i can see his quite stressed and always in pain. Only thing he seems to battle with is his sex drive, he says its cause his in pain and he told me he doesnt even desire to masturbate. I told him its due to all the stress and pressure of his fight camp. Despite his stress and pain he has been doing well, he has stepped up quite a bit. We haven’t spoken about the break or anything. We only spoke about good memories from when we started dating and he mentioned the other evening that he hasnt taken me on a date in a long time an i said its okay because he has been preparing for his fight and he said that he just wanted to mention that hes aware he hasnt taken me on a date in a while. I like that he has gotten through his troubles. I heard him tell my brother that he was stressed, that him and i living out on our own, he felt this need to provide and the pressure was getting to him with all the financial difficulty he was going through. Im not sure if this is one of the real reasons he asked for this break but i know that i never put financial pressure on him. Knowing all that i do now has brought peace to my overthinking mind, ive gotten to know him alot better and ive gotten to know myself alot better too. He is starting to appreciate me alot more. He is dealing with alot of inner battles as well as preparing for his fight. I do my best to be his break from all that worry.

There was no conversation about us starting a new relationship, it was more of an agreement that we both need to keep growing and that we are a good team. Since then i have been receiving peck kisses, spontaneous drives, forehead and cheek kisses. He has been very open and wants to share how hes feeling and hows his day went. He asked me to help him out prepping for his up coming fight next month, he always wants me to keep him company in the kitchen and begs for my attention when im doing my own thing. He is always asking how i am feeling. One of his friends asked us when we getting married not knowing about our whole relationship break and we managed to change the topic. He has been making an effort which i love but i cant help but fear he is going to lose himself again. Its  clear to see he has self esteem problems and for some reason it always occurs after a loss in his career. He falls into this reckless depression where he has no motivation and gets overwhelmed with anxiety. His career as an MMA fighter is not easy, it is extremely draining and not that financially stable as he only wins 1 chunk of money per fight and his sponsors arent the most reliable source of monthly income. So his trying really hard to stay motivated to reach his goals even though it doesnt seem worth it right now. His self esteem and confidence plays a huge role in his life and career and in his relationship with me and it pains me to see him so lost and at times demotivated. He has recently found out that his mother has been lying to him his whole life about his dad, she made his dad sound like the evil one that abused and abandoned them but it was a lie. So his anger for his mother has increased tremendously, he is now seeking to reach out to his father to find out the truth and he doesnt know how his going to control his anger towards his mom when he sees her.

Things do seem to be going in the right direction as he seems much more open and he isnt being emotionally distant. He is more affectionate and plays with me intimately. He even surprised me with a drive along the mountain last friday and we stood watching the view. Hes starting to take control of the situation and we are growing closer. Not saying that everything back to normal but we are embarking on a new journey (relationship). Its going to take some time before i fully trust him again because of what happened. We are both trying to spark up our relationship again and connect the way we useto to grow our new relationship stronger. He is showing effort and compliments me. I cant say im over what happened with him and the whole break and wanting to be single. I cant understand how a man who is deeply inlove and was considering marriage could just fall into a crises and want to abandon his woman whom he protected at all costs. I want to forgive him for the pain he has caused because i do still hold alot of love for him, but i also know that i deserve to be loved and to have security and not fear he will just lose himself again.