I want to thank each of you that has taken the time to reply.

@The Ruminant: I understand what you mean, but I fear I wasn’t able to do it properly. Despite my intentions I couldn’t come off that way.

@macky: I do believe she is. I can see that nobody but her can do something about it. Some years ago I was depressed myself and only when I began understanding and healing from within could I get out of it. I understand her path has nothing to do with me. I just hope she can find brighter days in her life.

@Big Blue: That’s an interesting exercise. My answers to your Q’s were indeed affirmative. We are all flawed and will always be. What do I think? We are only human, both with our virtues and our flaws. As for my friend, my wish is, like I said to macky, that she finds what she needs. If by then I’m no part of her life that’s alright. She deserves to find peace.

Thanks everyone for your words.
Lurker.

Thanks for your reply Matt.

I understand it may seem that way but I’m decidedly not trying to fix her. I know I can’t interfere with her own path nor would I want to. I’m not trying to poke her, but if that is how it appears then I’m totally uncapable of supporting her with warmth and love, wich is all I wanted. I honestly don’t want to “save her”. I’m no shining hero. My intentions never were of the type: “ok, get behind me and I’ll deal with everything for you”. All I wanted to do was spark in her even the tiniest curiosity about self-love, self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. Help her realize everything she needs is within her already.

I’m really lost as to what to do now. If my presence rubs her the wrong way, should I go away? I don’t want to be another source of negative feelings for her. But if I walk away, I’ll only reinforce her ideas that nobody can stand her and that’s frustrating.

Lurker.

I just wanted to thank you again TR for taking an interest in the topic and sharing your opinion. It’s been helpful.

Thanks Dain Supero. I totally see your point. Personally, I don’t think of buddhism as a ruleset I have to comply with yes or yes. As you mention, it’s mainly a guideline to find our own harmony. I take, from your reply and others, that I should keep my focus on myself and my own personal development. If I do this, things should flow naturally and whatever comes is something I can learn and grow from.

Thanks again to all of you who took the time to reply.

Hey there Anna.

I guess its true not all advice is perfect. I try to understand and follow my path as best as I can. And I definitely agree on self polishing and refining towards good.
I can see your point on both the ‘overly focused on ego corporate people’ and the 60’s hippies. Those are extremes that should be avoided and honestly I have never desired to be a part of either.

As for your last recommendation. I’m afraid that wouldn’t be easy. I’m pretty sure there’s no organized buddhist sect in hundreds of miles around me. The idea of a mentor is appealing, but I wouldn’t know where to find one I could physically meet.

Thanks for your reply. I’ll keep in mind I should follow my life path and trust it.

Thanks for replying.

I see your point about not obsessing about jobs or money. I understand it and actually promote it around me, telling a few friends that they should put themselves and their well being as a priority and not the last thing they care about.

I’m really attracted by the idea of working on my own. I think I must have the ability within me to do something that’s good for me and the world, and generates income to live ok. I don’t crave the yachts and fancy cars. All I want is that peace of mind that financially you’ve got things covered and the satisfaction you are doing something you are good at.

I guess what it all comes down to is that so far I have not started on that path. I have never worked. I have never done something that gets me a paycheck. And then I get scared and worry if I’ll ever do it. It doesn’t help that my desire to hold off applying for a traditional job because I want to do things on my own is seen like I’m just lazy, too comfortable in my parents household and maybe scared of the ‘real’ world.

It’s true I don’t have to be the best nor the richest. But I do have to be good and make a living. I need to balance the pressure of developing a succesful personal business from scratch with a calm, mindful state of being that keeps me from drowning in my worries.

I will say that lately it’s becoming more and more clear that I can’t stay at this stage forever. I need to stop thinking and start doing and trust that if I really want to do this, I’ll hopefully find success. I know I don’t want time to pass me by and then regret never trying it.