Hi James
I am experiencing the same feeling you are feeling at the moment. And i understand how you feel, it is depression if you don’t feel the excitement for the things that you used to love anymore.
I too, had an amazing connection with Mother Nature… she opened my eyes to oneness and i felt connected to all living things. i understood life like i was never before and everyday, my day begins like it was magic.
After a traumatised relationship, i have lost that connection i had with her. In a way, i felt like death inside… a living body with a dead soul, i just couldn’t feel a thing. But loosing the ability to love animals and connecting to nature was what upsetting me the most. And every single day for 3 years i was battling myself to understand why i am feeling this way. I understood now, but i too wish i could able to feel and love nature in such a pure way again. It felt like i have lost my innocent.

So here, is what i thought about your situation.
You are battling with yourself way too much, negative self talk and letting yourself go of doing things you don’t believing in was the reason you are slowly being dragged away from feeling love with nature. Into the material world, a world you don’t believing in, because you understand less is more. Nature is what made you the happiest and truly alive.

Reason that you scoff at people whom talks about spirituality because you know what its like to be TRULY CONNECTED, not shit people reads from other people’s perspective. That isn’t from their own… thats why you don’t believe in them.
But hey, you are not being kind to yourself. You judge other, and then judge yourself for being mean. Does it feels like no body understand the state you were and that person you were so proud of was the one connected to nature?
Nobody knows that, but you. You feel alone, unable to share that beautiful part of life to people so they would understand why you are being skeptical.

I think, you have been focusing on your mother’s well being and disregard about your own, stuck in a dead end job with no happiness… you drained yourself with your energy. You were this 100% human being, and you gave 60 to your mother and grieving from yourself, 30 to your dead end job. I always think that, the energy you focusing on something is investing yourself in it.

You have focused 90% of yourself to every negative aspects, and you only have that 10% to remember of who you were. You were investing so much of yourself away to things that does not give you happiness… so you become drained.

Most people cannot share your feelings James, and cannot understand where you are coming from… because, its not like everyday you come across a person that felt an intense euphoric feeling towards nature and appreciate simplicity and solitude.

I have learnt to accept that not many will understand this feeling, i sometime still cry walking into a forest because i felt the trees pain but the person whom was with me, will never understand that feeling and they even admit it that they have never connected to nature in such a way. You are a super sensitive soul… that was reason why you could connect to nature.

James you know what is truly living, its ok if you don’t feel it. Still live within it, be true to your authentic self and don’t stir away from it. I don’t think counselling or anything would help so much because like i said… not many people connects with nature in a very intimate way. But sure everyone feels relaxed when they are with nature, its a different thing than to understand nature and study about her, and felt her so alive. Its so different ..

i hope you can stay open, don’t roll your eyes, don’t scoff at people… Because they are too, is trying to figuring themselves out. Allow yourself to judge, because if you can not feel other ways then let yourself be rather than judge people, and then judge yourself. When you allowing yourself to feel that way, accepting that you are unable to feel love for people at the moment is allowing love for yourself. Slowly you will be more kind towards yourself and that will soften you to the outside… but please be mindful of judging people because you can judge, but understand why you are doing it and accepting it, and no negative self talk. You are being hard on yourself, you have been through such a tough time, you need love from yourself and you don’t need anymore tough time causing from your ownself. People may not understand your experience but I’m sure they all have good intention… When you don’t feel genuineness its probably true, but remember they too have probably experience something very bad, that is causing them ego and being not genuine. 🙁 its sad, but i hope you are softer to the world and towards yourself mainly.

I love summer, even when i don’t feel connected to nature but i would always try to take myself to go somewhere in nature and spend time there. Even go for a swim at 6am, do something different. Even if you don’t feel it, just do it. You are investing your energy into things that will investing back in you for good energy 🙂

Don’t be harsh on yourself, you have suffer enough. You need love from yourself if you want to feel love from nature again. It all comes from within.
<3

And I think we all secretly judging but the cute ones would be mindful about it. Judging doesn’t have to be hatred, it could just means you see a different side of the object (general objects are all external things on earth including all living things) not as in object is an object if you know what I mean.
But it doesn’t mean you think bad of them, just feel some energy stuff. That is a very very subtle way of judgment we probably don’t even realise it. But it is, no judgement is no attachment or feeling toward objects because you understand it is not absolute, and two it is an illusion, and 3 compassion and empathy.

Man, I’ll just be what I want to be. I will be judged but as long I don’t judge myself… I think, that makes me quiet honest to myself to keep on thriving to be achieve non judgement.

I knoww when I achieved that, I will look back to this post and thinking. 🙁 I wish I never had, but here is the real me and what I think about judgement and allowing myself to be with the flow on the state life is flowing at the moment.”

These you mentioned are symptom of depression but please don’t think too much about it, but rather accepting it. It is also a bless to be experience life in this extreme emotionless kind of way, not everyone reach to this point of feeling nothing you know..?
But i know the feeling of unable to feel, unable to enjoy the things you used to enjoy, no excitement, even if everything in your life is progressing but you are feeling like time isn’t moving and, i don’t know if you feel this way but i was having trouble of letting go of the past. The girl whom i thought i was beautiful, i was so just myself, sweet and loved life, i lost my innocent now.
You need time, and lots of time… it might takes years. its been 3 years for me and things gets better very very slowly. But i hope you do have a great support behind and be open to people (only to those whom cares about you) because when you don’t be careful, it will make you feel worse.
There are so much to even discuss about this, its more than just a normal experience. Its definately unbalance spiritually. There are blockages that needs to flow through body, if you have heard of chakras.
Kirsty, try your best to let yourself feel how you are feeling… remember to be kind to who you are. Don’t binge eat, don’t so certain things that is letting yourself go. Because when you gain feelings again, trust me you will look back like i did and wish that you’ve never let yourself go, because now you have to work hard to gain the physical aspect again. Please ask more, as i have no idea what to specially answer <3 Much love to you, you are definately entering a different phase in life that MANY PEOPLE won’t have a chance to. And once you heal, you can use this to help others. Because this is such a deep end, its hopeless and dark and absolute emptiness. But time will heal you, i promise 🙂 Keep up that smile even when you don’t feel it. Remember each day is a chance, even if you don’t feel it.. one day, you will! Keep believing and stay true to who you were.. that kind and loving Kirty.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Luna.

Dear Kirty. 🙂
I understand exactly how you are feeling, may i asked what made you change?
You are being giving judgement toward others but worse… you are going judgement toward yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I know exactly how you feel, where i was at… i asked myself the same same same question. I was at a stage of life where all i see was beauty, then something really bad happened, slowly i only see negative things and slowly and slower i progressed into a bitter person. however, i have been much better lately and there is something i wrote just yesterday and i think it is perfect timing, i think it was meant to be for you and me too.
Here it is what i wrote about myself and you can also relate.

“Sorry that I judge.
But I will allowed myself to do so.
I know it’s a state right now, my heart just isn’t feeling it. There is not yet enough warmth I have created for myself.
So, I will judge when I want and I won’t when I can’t feel the judgement but love.
Every day is a different day, you can’t feel the same shit forever let’s face it.
Because what is the worse? Judging people when you don’t mean it, or you judging people and then judging yourself? I think judging yourself is the worse… Because the worse of the worse is not allowing yourself to be at whatever state you are in at right now, if you can’t feel it yet, you can’t control it. Then just let yourself be, it’s a way of letting out shit… It feels lonely, when you judge others and also judge yourself. You are forever alone, because not even you can be there for yourself. That, to me is the worse…
Let you be where the state of your life is taking you at now. Self hate is not allowing room for self love. But if you could judge other, then allow yourself to be so, aware of your action and be mindful about it. Atleast there are some love you have given for yourself. There are abit of mercy, and when there is so… Mindfulness exist
.. You are more gentle towards yourself, you will be softer to the outside. Allow yourself to be what you are, it’s ok. We are all struggling, trying to figure out ourselves. And it’s absolutely ok to be where you are right now. Soon, when you feel it and you will do what feels right.
The worse of the worse is blaming others then blaming ourselves.
But if we can understand, this is where I am at life right now. I will learn someday.
That is mindfulness, in a very selfish way

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Luna.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Luna.

hi there, if you are asking for advice or a question… i think you have already made up your mind and know exactly what your heart wants. If it works, it would have worked a long time ago… you wouldn’t even have to think twice, and you would not be here to discuses the situation andddd….. you would not fall for that man.
There is nothing to say in this, but i can feel so much pain that you have to go through right now, the decision is harder as your children are still young. But the longer you leave, risks are more damage for both children and yourself and your husband. Im not trying to advice to do anything, i am just speaking my opinion about your circumstance.
Came from a family where my parents divorced when i was young, it was hurt but maybe it hurts a little less because i was very young and innocent to realise things, but if my parents were to divorce now… i can accept it, but i would be very hurt.
Sooner than later…
Your chemistry with the man 30 years ago, must been very strong for you both to reconnected again. Once its there, it’d always be there.
I hope you all the best.
This relationship is headache and emotional drainage, I’ve learnt to not leave things any longer if it don’t feel right, its probably not right.
<3
Goodluck

Hi Amanda 🙂
20 years of age, and recently i just got away from the ego again! Ego comes in so many forms, relationship, friendship, society etc…… the list goes on…. and i got out of the ego in relationship and was recently facing the ego of society, which i believe is what you going through at the moment. We will come across many ego to face, and life is all problem solving. Just think positive and knowing who you are.
How i coped with it?
I deactivated my Facebook, i stop going out for 2 months only see friends who i love and can have fun with, who will only lift me up.
I spend my time alone more and more, and solitude is a cure for ego.
By spending time alone, you are recognising that you are not in any body else’s world but your own. You creating a world that no one can enter but you!
Be alone will open doors to your soul, let you meet your inner self and you will slowly recognising who you are and you will fall in love with yourself.
When you are with other people, constantly seeing them, hanging out with them, talking to them and whatever else, you are subconsciously adapting their habits, you starting to think like them, talk like them, act like them… you even pick up on their insecurities.
To be original, to be YOURSELF. I suggest you to spend a little time alone, create time for yourself, get to know yourself, write down what you have learn, how you have come so far, what is good about you…and enjoy being YOU.
No one is as original as you.
Like Inky said, meditation is a great way, but if you don’t meditate (cause I’m a sucker at it :D) just spend time in nature, draw, sing, cook, dance, write… be a kid again, spend time with nobody but yourself.
I hope my experience could help you, it’s not easy but it’s not hard. I was thinking and thinking so much that i was like, ok i need to snap out of it, i need to think positive i need to remember my purpose of being here on earth and little things like that don’t bother me, people are suffering because of hunger out there and i am here stressing about my little insecurities.
Like who caresss… they can judge and think about us all they wants, at the end of the day.
We are the one who creating our own life and they are no one but the people outside our walls.
Much love.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Luna.

hi there 🙂 its nice that your user name is also luna but with an ‘r’ at the end 😀 hahha
Anyways, sorry for the late reply. I was thinking the same thing if i was to read your message earlier. If you was to send her email you should. If you were wanting to reach to her for an explanation, you should. Whatever you want or need to do, you should. And after whatever that you should do, you will feel better and whatever the result maybe, you now know the answer 🙂
See, whatever you feel right.. follow it, follow your heart. it never lead you to the wrong place 🙂
I wish you all the best, this will be a great journey ahead of you, from today new beginning <3