I like the comment about attachment, but I framed it as ‘reminders’. I can not forget the ex because of the constant reminders that I have all around me. He has since left the state so it is way easier for him to move on (and also because he has a new GF, so obviously he is not thinking about me). I was so attached and even obsessed at the break up point, that he consumed by every thought for months. it has now been 8 months, and the thoughts and now spreading out, and I even laugh occasionally. I never knew how deep emotions can run and am truly astounded about the complexity and level of hurt that I have actually endured. It almost killed me. I have not gotten to the point that I have hope that I ever will love or feel again, but I can say that I survived 8 months. Evan is so right about acceptance. I know I have to accept my feelings for him, accept what he did to me and eventually forgive… but I am not ready yet. Certaintly moving towards those things but if I said I did I would be lying to myself. As long as I can recall, I am a bad forgiver,… I will accept, but not forget and forgive and this may be enough… I really don’t know. I find I have to actively try to not think about him and I keep busy, and when not busy, my mind wanders. Keep busy.

I am so enticed by this yoga. I have to ‘go’ to a gym, that is what I love, I don’t like any exercise alone, I do a lot of group fitness, ie/Barre, Barbell, Zumba and now getting into Yoga. I think Yoga is a great compliment both physically and mentally, but I will only do yoga at a night class to reap the full benefit. Kind of like getting a massage and then doing nothing strenuous afterward because it would ‘undo’ all the benefit. I do basic yoga, or “roots” and Yin. I would even consider it complimentary medicine to a degree. I do think yoga instructors do vary in their technique however. I wish I could do this more than once a week, but that is where I am at. The serenity of yoga is addictive but you have to be ‘ready’ to accept it. Years ago I was like you — racing to get to yoga and then the instructor would say ‘relax’ and I was like ‘how???” but now, I am at the point in my life that I can embarace it. Very interesting. There is a reason this practice has been around for centuries.

This is a very interesting topic to me, and I do not have experience with threesomes, so I am definetly not judging. I do agree with Inky that there are “primarie” in a threesome, and you thought you were a Primary and come to find out, you really weren’t. It is deceitful and hurtful, I bet, nonetheless. They are both lying to you and Betrayal is deadening, I know. Anita suggested therapy, and I recommend that too. You cant change what happened, and maybe never accept it, but you must find a way to move forward in life. Every day you think about it they are robbing a day of happieness from you indirectly. Find a way to get your life back. Please.

Bless you heart for loving someone so much. I recently got cheated on/betrayed too, and it literally almost killed me. many days I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die of a broken heart. I just didn’t see it coming, probably like you. looking back now there were a few signs that were suspect, but when you love someone you trust them. for me it goes hand in hand. I am still healing after 8 months, still wake up in the middle of the night with total sadness, I look back to where I was 8 months ago, and I am better but have not had a block of time (2 hours) that he and his betrayal doesn’t cross my mind. If you are at a month you sound better off than me, but this is the 4th time in my life I’ve been cheated on. Please know there are others like us out there, and somehow life will go on. I have found that mediation, exercise, prayer and friends have helped, at least for a time that I am engaged. What we must remember is that all people are not evil, just some. I am trying, too.

Your marriage is not working for either of you. If you don’t have children, then you have more options. Divorce or at least split up for a while. Your husband is indecisive at the least, or, he has some one else. I don’t know if the new guy is “Mr. It” or not, but the husband certaintly is not. I don’t think the husband wants to put the ‘effort’ into actually breaking up, it is easier for him to maintain the status quo. What I truly believe though, is that I don’t think you or your husband can fall ‘back into’ love. I think when its gone, its gone. I know that hurts, but it has happened to me.

I don’t think the past has a negative bearing but provides you a good point of reference that cheating does happen, and is possible to happen again. I recently was cheated on for the 4th time in my adult life (if you call 18 years old an adult the first year in college) and the first three were small isolated ‘cheats’ the last time was a hidden love relationship and has literally put me into counseling, panic attacks, PTSD, and more. But not about me. He has crossed the boundry, and so has she. There is a grown relationship stemming from their original friendship, I’m sorry, but it is true. Have you, him and her ever met for coffee or lunch or anything? that is one of my ‘litmus tests’. The other base rule I have is that each individual can have friends of the opposite sex — but existing friends, not making new friends of the opposite sex. there is too much to chance and not a good practice. Good luck. your inner sense tells you it is not right, and I believe you want confirmation.

You are worth a lifetime. Do not give up. I have a very steady job, and make good money, I will admit. I have no idea where you are at, but I would strongly suggest leaving that job. you need a job, any job with interaction with people. This exposure to the public will get you a job, albeat start up in something. I strongly urge you to leave. you are inside a cell with no window to the world. A great ‘exposure job’ would be a waiter in a decent restaurant, even daytime. you get business men, for business lunches, and you will be exposed to them and business women, and can begin to network and recruit for opportunities. Being in a cell like you are now is not helping you. This will work. you will wait on someone, and someone will know someone, etc, etc. It will a entry level job of something other than what you are doing. 23 is way too young to do what you are doing, please don’t give up. You have a lifetime of opportunities ahead of you. P.S. this will be a great first step.