@m @erin & @blaice THANK YOU! I needed to hear/read all of this. @M I dont even need to share my experience because i feel exactly how you’re feeling. I feel terrible, i feel as if i betrayed him, us and what we had. you literally question everything, but i had been feeling this way for months and made a pro/con list, wrote down what i had wanted and understood that it wasnt fair for me to keep going forward whilst feeling doubts. i have been pretty much been un-emotional my whole life and this was mine and his first relationship because we only wanted to get into one if it was serious. @blaice i needed to hear this because youre right its selfish of me to prove that i care and i felt bad because thats only benefitting me – i knew this but hearing it from your perspective (as you were on the other side) was needed. its only been a couple of days since its happened so i am learning that it is going to take time. i am trying to be patient and focus on myself but i feel like a bitch and also have been doubting my ability to be emotionally available to anyone. i wish he was the right guy, and as its my only relationship i have nothing to compare it to. its like a horrible unknown – but i have read a lot of people’s feedback and understand and trust my body and feelings (writing it and doing it very different and i havent gotten round to truly believing it yet but i am trying to be patient) that if it was right then i wouldnt have made this decision or if we truly want to be together some time down the line whether its 1 year or 10years i would fight to get him back – i cant remember who wrote this above but its true sometimes timings just dont match up i guess. its the most hardest thing ive ever had to do and worst feeling – i am randomly crying everyday, feeling numb other times, barely eating But finally did some exercise today and it did help a little. it was not amicable break up and we havent even properly spoken about it which i know is making this harder for both of us but hes too angry and feeling betrayed atm so we cant event talk it out, hopefully one day we can i just dont want him being unable to trust a woman again because of me. i hope that this was the best decision (it literally makes you question all your decision making in life and with people) and am trying to keep busy . hes such a nice guy i want him to be okay.