Hi Nina,

This stuff used to bother me all the time. The great thing is you’re aware of what is happening(!) – and you don’t like what is happening – i.e. it bothers you how people are behaving especially behind others’ backs or doing this to make themselves feel better. What have you tried to do to be at peace with this kind of situation? Being at peace meaning get to the point where you no longer let this bother you or ruffle your inner peace.

Have you tried:

1/ Changing how you feel about it/them – viewing with empathy, compassion
2/ Changing the situation
3/ Reframing the situation
4/ Removing yourself from the situation

People who talk behind others might be doing so for reasons such as to gain approval, to feel better about themselves, to give themselves some sort of validation, or they might think they are “right” and want to assert that when they disagree with what others are doing. Perhaps they aren’t even aware of the negative repercussions. We are not trying to give them an excuse, but simply to come from a place of compassion, and also to understand we are not here to fix them, like Evan said.

At the same time, keep in mind, stay true to yourself. You don’t have to participate in the gossip. Your presence and lack of participation in gossip might actually be a positive influence. Perhaps you can ask yourself, “what am I learning from this?” “Do I see any of myself in this?” And if you wish, you could even direct the gossip/conversation to something more uplifting and positive.

Cheers,
Michela