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LotusFlowerInTheMud

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • June 24, 2015 at 4:55 pm #78805
    LotusFlowerInTheMud
    Participant

    Your responses have led me to a follow-up discussion. Please find it under the following topic title “Discussion about hardships in relationships, when to stay and when to leave?”

    You have all been so insightful and I would most appreciate it if we could continue the discussion.

    June 24, 2015 at 4:46 pm #78803
    LotusFlowerInTheMud
    Participant

    Hi everyone, thanks so much for your responses, I’m deeply touched by all of them.

    Alex- Your response in particular had me laughing with joy. My boyfriend also gets very hot when sleeping, and I am always very cold, so usually I hog all the blankets. Thanks for your insight.

    Lily Tran – Thanks very much for your response as well as noticing my username! I actually chose this username as it captures how I feel right now in life, very much “in the mud.” But it is my hope, just like the Lotus flower, that I will get through this and come out a much better and brighter being.

    June 19, 2015 at 4:27 pm #78487
    LotusFlowerInTheMud
    Participant

    Hi there,

    I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 2-years, and I have a close friend who has been in a long distance relationship for 5 years (also across the world from each other).

    Do not be scared, if it is truly meant to be then distance will not be a problem. I am not saying you won’t struggle, because you will. But it is only truly meant to be if you are able to face hardships together and make it past them.

    If it doesn’t work out, then he was not the one and you can move on towards finding the right one.

    Do not be afraid, as no matter what happens, things will work out for the better.

    As for advice, if you truly love and believe in him, trust him. And try not to let your insecurities get in the way of the relationship.

    Best of luck,

    Lotus

    June 19, 2015 at 4:21 pm #78486
    LotusFlowerInTheMud
    Participant

    Hi Everyone,

    I just wanted to express my utmost gratitude to everyone who took the time to reply. I can tell that your responses were thoughtful and well-meaning. I will take them to heart as I sincerely appreciate this.

    Inky, Thank you very much for your insight. I will definitely take on the perspective that I have “crashed” due to my long ordeal and am slowly healing again. If I may, I would like to ask, why do my feelings of isolation/loneliness seem like excuses? I would simply like to understand your perspective more.

    Jordan, Thank you for your input. That was extremely valuable and yes, I am trying to figure out whether its the job itself, the field, or my surrounding situations that are leading to my unhappiness. I definitely do try and connect, but feel they are disinterested.

    Axuda, Thank you so much your thoughtful response, it was uplifting and gave me hope as you mentioned that I had accomplished my first mission, and now am journeying on to my next one. I really, really appreciated that perspective. To clarify, I joined activities that I genuinely enjoy and am interested in, but am disheartened because those that I am participating in the activity with already have a clique, which I find makes me feel like an awkward outsider. I should also mention that I do my best with my interactions with people and always focus on them, by being genuinely curious/caring about them. But I am not seeing this yield any results yet… In fact I feel that I wish I knew how to “small talk” better as I find that people who can joke/talk about nothing are often the most successful at making friends… But I will keep going as you suggest though. Hopefully, things will start to work out as you say.

    Anita, Thank you for your insight. Yes, I agree with you that it is key to stay in the present and I will admit that this is a great weakness of mine as I have always been taught to plan ahead. This constant planning process has lead me to live in the “future” causing me great anxiety. Can you share any tips for how to stay focused in the present?

    Moongal, Thanks for your reply, I sincerely appreciate your compassion. I will definitely keep trying to work on my work-life balance and follow your suggestions.

    Rock Banana, Thank you so much for your resources, I will take the time to them and consider them carefully. Much appreciated.

    Again thank you everyone for your responses, If you have any further insight/feedback I would be extremely happy to receive them.

    Also, if you guys could take a look at another related problem I am facing, I would appreciate your wisdom and kindness as well (http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/long-distance-change-in-relationship/).

    Most Appreciated,

    Lotus

    June 18, 2015 at 8:41 pm #78465
    LotusFlowerInTheMud
    Participant

    Hi pranit123,

    I am a dancer, and have danced for many years and when I read your post, I wanted to offer some insight. Here are a few “Truths” that I have learned from dancing:

    1. Everyone is concerned about how they look when are dancing, this is what stops a lot of people from doing it. But;
    2. No one should be concerned about how they look when they are dancing, since everyone is concerned with how they themselves look, they are usually not paying attention to how you look at all. And even if they are looking;
    3. If someone dances relatively poorly compared to the rest, most people will be supportive and admire your courage. I have often witnessed the more inexperienced dancers receive the most support because everyone is so happy that they are trying so hard!!
    4. Dancing really isn’t about “appearance” at all, its about “feeling.” “Feeling the music” and feeling free to express yourself. If you can learn to first focus on feeling enjoyment from dancing, your confidence will come naturally because your primary goal will be to have fun, rather than to please others.
    5. No one is good at things then they first start. When people aren’t good at things, we get discouraged. To get good at things, we need to practice, and once we get familiar with things we start to become confident.

    I suspect that these truths cross over into other areas of life, and activities. Hopefully, it can help you to build some confidence.

    I would like to suggest an idea:
    Why don’t you try taking some beginner classes? Explain to the instructor privately that you are nervous about dancing and want to give it a shot. Being in a class of people at the same level as you may make you feel more comfortable. Once you get some practice with moving your body and understanding rhythms, your confidence will increase because you will be more familiar with it. Start slowly, no one can gain full confidence over night. Also, make sure that your goal is to have fun and enjoy it, the confidence will come afterwards.

    I understand that your post is about confidence rather than dancing, but I hope this can help. I hope the principles and perspective might be useful to you.

    Best of luck,
    Lotuslotus

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