Anita,

Sorry for taking so long to answer but I’ve been pretty busy these past days.

The situation I’m in kind of changed. I met the guy a couple of times, and I exposed to him everything. From my plan, to my fears and everything. Everything feels super easy with him, but also complicated because we’re both artists and he’s about to breakthrough. This being said, he always knew him and I were made to cross each other’s paths again and he feels like we can help each other growing as human beings, and also artistically. He really has a point there and I can feel there’s a real connection. I’m not talking about feelings, but I couldn’t even explain how much we’re complementary.

He knows how I’m always going abroad and come back because I have “a feeling” that it’s the right thing for me to do. To him, I’m giving up when I do that. He says I’m wasting my potential to do great thing, and to be honest, he’s right. He really sees the person I am and the one I’m trying to be and I know that he really wants to help me with that. Since we met, it’s crazy but so many positive things happened. I feel like he knows really well how to bring the best out of me.

Now I’m not saying I won’t go abroad, but I think I need to step back and think about the real reasons why I want to do it and the resources/plan I have to achieve it. I know it can sound like he has something to do with all that, well he sort of since he came back into my life, but if I look around right now, things have already changed for the better for me. But to make things clear, I don’t rely on him to bring me happiness and a purpose and everything, I just think he’s got a part to play in my life. I don’t know if it makes any sense.

Thanks again for all the great pieces of advice! 🙂

Thank you for your answers and new perspectives on the matter, it really helps 🙂

I totally agree with both of you. Since I chose to move before talking to him again, I should not give up on my plan – since this is something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. Not that I was willing to give up, but since I’m a little restraint financially and my plan does not have a deadline, I told myself I would go once my situation will be more favorable.

I really don’t want to give up on that because this the only thing I’m sure I really want to do. I don’t know why but I have to.

Anita, this is EXACTLY my mindset. It’s so hard living with that. I can never make a decision I’m sure of because I’m always thinking about all the possibilities, weighing the pros and the cons forever… It’s so tiring and frustrating, sometimes I wish someone could take all the decisions for me and tell me what to do.

About him wanting to change my mind, I think he said that because he feels like he has a second chance to be with me and he hopes this time it won’t fail. I don’t think he would do anything too dramatic to prevent me from moving. In fact he’s pretty supportive in general. We’re both artists and he knows me very well and I think if he gets that it is important for me to achieve this thing I want to, then he’ll understand. He knows how indecisive I am and he said he’ll always be my friend no matter what. I just don’t want to hurt him again and push him away and not wanting to be my friend anymore. Even if we just talk every once in a while, I really value our relationship.

What I’m afraid of though is regretting not trying with him. That’s why I think I should see him. To clarify things and see how I feel around him. If we’re still the flirty-friends or more. I think it can help if I tell him how I feel about it all.

I wanted to see him face to face because texting can be misleading sometimes. And also because he wants to talk to me about some of his projects. What do you think?

Hi Lela,

You have no idea how much I needed those kind of words. They really comforted me and indeed brought a huge smile to my face, thank you so much.

It’s a very hard situation to live mentally, and I don’t know if that’s what is making my anxiety worse some days or if it’s a natural part of the process.. but even if it’s scary sometimes, I’m trying to hang on to my positive thoughts and mindset the hardest I can, while I visualize myself reaching my goal.

I’m so glad that I inspired and helped you. It profoundly touches me to know that I inspired someone. I hope you’ll find everything you’re looking for. I know you will and you know it too.

My move to London has been somewhat postponed because I’m not receiving the help someone offered when I was going through a tough time, but it’s alright. I’ve been a little disappointed, but I realized it was an opportunity for me to achieve this by myself and in the end I will only be more proud. I didn’t want to let myself dwell on the disappointment because it just shows that we don’t control anything. We just have to go with what’s thrown at us, good or bad, do what we feel like doing about it and learn from it. I’m totally fine with that notion.

Thank you for believing in me, I also believe in your abilities to change your situation if you feel like it’s the best thing to do for you. If you believe in me, you believe in yourself. We all are capable of great things!

Thanks again for your help, support and encouragement, I wish you a great day and send you lots of positivity on your way to a better life!

I used to be one of those who thought their life would be fixed the moment they’ll move somewhere or something. I experienced it and I realized I was completely wrong since I was trying hard to make things happen instead of going with the flow and letting them happen and nothing positive was happening. But now it’s different.
I think I’ve mentioned this before but it is clear that I’ve reached a point in my life where I did everything I had to do where I am. There’s nothing left for me here. The more I stay here, the less I am myself. And today I know what I need and it’s getting out of here. I need to find myself in a totally different place, no matter where it is, where I’ll make my own decisions, live my own experience etc. without having to undergo a toxic environment because it’s like someone is taking my life away from me little by little and it became unbearable. My life isn’t mine where I am.

Now I know moving to London or somewhere else won’t bring me happiness as you said since what matters is the journey, not the destination. I’m conscious of all that and I really don’t idealize how things will turn out. But I’m ready for the journey, more than ever. I know I’ll have my ups and downs and I’ll probably feel a lot of the same feelings I am feeling today, but at least I’ll be free to go my own way and I need to feel like I am responsible for what happens in my life to live it fully. I just feel the urge to do something on my own and I’m open to everything that could happen to me, good or bad.

As you said, I know the right people will come into my life when it’ll be time, just like the right events.. On your side, I’m sure your mindset will take you exactly where you need to be.

Hi Ben,

First off, thank you very much for taking the time to answer me with so much attention. Your answer is full of knowledge and very good advices. It helps me a lot to have other opinions like yours.

To answer your first question, it’s true I do believe something is happening to me, whether it’s a spiritual awakening or something like that but I don’t know how to take it. I’m trying to go with the flow with it, but sometimes it’s so overwhelming and intertwined with anxiety (that maybe is caused by it, I don’t know) that I tend to fear it and want to go back to my old self, when I was aware of all that and interested but wasn’t feeling so much concerned since I wasn’t living it.

I haven’t read the book you’re talking about here, which seems to be an interesting read, but I documented myself a bit about past lives which, just like for you, sounded ridiculous to me a few years ago. But with the time, when I look back, it’s like my mind has slowly opened itself to so many things. I totally believe in it today, especially when I read about all these kids who remember their past lives. My cousin’s daughter seem to know some stuffs too. She’s 4 years old, and everytime she’s drawing me, she draws a baby in my belly, a big heart and a forest. She always does. And when I asked her why once, she said I “used to” have a baby girl. But that’s another story… As you said, if the feeling of belonging somewhere else is there, I don’t really know if it means it’s necessary to go there. Maybe it’s just a part of who I am and that’s it.

I also believe it’s true that if you pray for something, it’s not going to happen literally, but you’ll be indirectly guided towards it or be given an opportunity to “make it happen” yourself. I’ll always remember a quote in Bruce Almighty – I know the reference isn’t very brilliant lol – when God says something like “If someone prays for patience, is God going to give them patience or an opportunity to be patient?” and that’s exactly what’s happening. I agree when you say it’s a part of us anyway. Things happen through us, voluntarily or not.

My “I don’t know” phases do sound like I’m the kind of person who goes wih the flow, but I really don’t. Lately I’ve been trying to since I’ve been through some very hard times and questionning every single thing was just causing more questionning, doubt, stress, anxiety, fear and it was way too tiring. When I find myself doing it, I try to go back to the present moment but it’s a hard thing to remember when you drift away in your mind. Especially for me, I’ve always been obsessively weighing the pros and the cons to everything, from buying an apple to chosing a field of study. My sister is always saying she’s glad not to be inside my head when I’m trying to make a decision, I think it shows you how hard it is to go with the flow for me. It’s just that certain things presented themselves to me and the idea started growing in my mind and then it becomes something I feel like I have to do because I see it as a door that is going to lead me somewhere. And this way to see things comes more naturally for me now. I tend to let things happen and see where it takes me, when I’m not forced adapt the situation for someone else, which is precisely one of my concerns lately. Being surrounded by people you don’t feel connected to can be a very hard thing.

Talking about my first time in London, as you’re saying, I also believe it wasn’t the right moment at the time. Because when I look back, I wasn’t the same person at all, and I would’ve done certain things differently like listening to myself expressing myself more. I think things would’ve been different if I wasn’t trying to please everyone around me back then. Today I absolutely don’t care if what I do doesn’t please my family, but they still have some hold on me and we’re on totally different wavelenght so it’s like we speak different languages, that’s why I’m trying to detach myself from them (without forgetting that they’re my family, even if they hurt me sometimes). The gap between us is getting bigger with the time and I don’t even feel the need to explain myself to them anymore since they don’t understand. They call it selfishness and apathy when I try to go my own way, and as you say, since we’re not on the same path, it’s even more difficult to get along with them. I don’t think I’ll ever talk about it all with them since they could never get it unless they experience the same thing and it can’t come from nobody but themselves.

The thing you said about finding the truth is funny because there’s a certain artist I admire a lot who approaches everything he does like a quest for the truth and he always say that we should always seek it. That’s what I’m trying to do and I trust you when you say that if I feel like I should be somewhere else to find it, I should go for it (in other words lol). I hope you’ll find the answer to your moving question as well and I think that by simply moving forward, maybe things will fit together naturally and enlighten the path to follow. At least that’s what I hope for you and me too!