Hi Hippiechick,

I love how you added – even if you are feeling great 🙂

Thanks for the tip. I will surely check it out.

Hi Anita,

I don’t think I am the person who can give her vieuw on what you said – because I still am figuring it out…I don’t think i have enough experience.

But my opninion at this moment is:

I am not sure if planning everything is THE solution, because you never know what will come in your way. Life is funny that way! There are a lot of things that you can not even imagine. I think if you are strictly following a plan, that it can be hard if something unexpected comes your way??

That is what I think! i do not know! I do not have a lot of experience with planning things out. I just thought of what I wanted to do in big lines and just figured the rest out while doing it. Which allways has worked out- untill now. If I made a choice, i did everything in my power to finish it and see where it may lead me… So maybe here and there i got distracted, but i allways thought of it as a new experience… well that’s how i saw it. Now sometimes I think this or that was a waste of time. but it is in the past, not like I can change it 🙂 and it allways has been an experience. not allways a good one, but an experience. Maybe now i am paying for that and yeah I am not where I thought I would be now – but not sure that I would change a lot if I could do it over… for example: maybe when I finished my studies i shouldn’t have worked all those years as a stewardess to save up money ( in my head it would be for a year, just to put enough money aside to pay the bills, while doing the internship – but I stayed longer then I should have. And at the end of the day in the months that i was out of work most of my savings were gone – so that didn’t work out great)

If i hadn’t done that and started my internship in those days, it probably would’nt have been so hard on me as I am experiencing it now. On the other hand being a stewardess made me fluent in languages that are usefull for my internship. Did i plan it ,no – was it a positive aspect on my cv: i think so. Did i have stay there for 4 years, probably not but I got distracted and now it feels like I am paying the price – which is not the case and there are people in much worst situations.

But I just have those days… like today… and then I go in extremes because I feel as if i am trapped and that there is no way out (I don’t know why i have this?) It’s the first time i am experiencing this and do not know what to think of it…. it’s scary of being able to go in such a negative pattern of thoughts.

So I will surely go get the book “feeling good” HIPPIECKICK and hope this is just a phase that will pass!

Ow and Anita, a good friend of mine had planned out his entire life – every goal, step by step. He was so used to everything allways going his way, as he planned untill one day he just collapsed (being in perfect health!). Now he can not stay awake longer then three hours and he can not have to much noise or other things that causes to much stimulation for the brain. Just because he is so used to planning everything, and now nothing going the way he planned… is really hard on him. The only way he could start letting go of his anger was by accepting that life never goes the way you plan. You just never know what will come in your way!

But then again what do I know! I’m the one feeling lost and going through these extremes… maybe your way is better?

Thanks Hippiechick,

I used to have that notion at least… and didn’t compare myself (that much 🙂 ) it’s just like these days it just I am so down and just have no engergy, which scares me – because I don’t recognise myself. This is not me or at least wasn’t. I just needed to get it out! and you are right, the internship will end only two years and a month to go 🙂 It just feels like forever…

Inky, the prob is not that I am not married… The prob is that I feel like I am surrounded by people that have their lives togheter, and have figured it out – while I remain… how do I say this: it just feels like I keep going backwards instead of forward. Seriously, being married and having children is the least of my worries now.

I just want to feel like I started my life and not allways having to be in survival mode.

But I guess it’s just a phase that we all have to go through 🙂 Knowing it and having to go through it are so two different things.

Thanks to both of you. I guess I just needed to get it out… It will end one day 🙂 I’m just tired of having to remind myself every day, which sometimes makes me wonder if it really will end and then I get frustrated like I did today 🙂

But like you both said THERE IS LIGHT, just hope that I will be patient enough to make it to the end of the tunnel!

THX!