Hi Eddie,

I can relate to how you feel. I grew up with this and it wasn’t until recently i have dealt with this issue.  We show our anger to our closest ones, b/c i believe we think that they will always forgive us no matter what. Either that’s family members, parents or partners.  But just b/c the anger/rage dissipates after and you can resume where you left off, the things said and done will stay and from experience it will slowly destroy any relationship.

Seek professional help, its not a way of living .. trust me. For myself, it wasn’t until 30years later, that i discovered my anger was related to depression. After being on anti-depressant, it helped me feel more calm during times that would normally trigger my anger.  Its worth a try, don’t wait until its too late and you can’t savage a relationship that gets destroyed by it.

You are not alone.

Hi Oakpine,

Reading your post reminds me of my situation. Let me give you a perspective from the other end. Now each relationship and person is different, I can’t speak for yours and your partner’s.

I was that other person, taking my partner for granted.  We spoke numerous times regarding these issues, I knew what I was doing was wrong and knew that it was hurting him but I couldn’t change my ways no matter how much I wanted to . I hated myself everyday for taking advantage of him and for being the source of unhappiness to him. Don’t get me wrong, we had good days but there could have been much more. I cared for him is the bottom line. I went to seek help, jumped through counselling and concluded after close to a year that I was depressed. I have been my whole life but didn’t think that my short fuse was related to depression. I got the help I needed finally and started to get better. I was able to be the better partner for him but I think it was too late. He, like you said, resented me for all the years we could have had.  He didn’t see me the way he use to.

I wished it was just a simple break, to clear our heads. We both had issues, but we were never on the same page mentally when we had our discussions about them.

I couldn’t see clearly before, I knew what I was doing but I couldn’t make the changes I wanted to for him. Being on medication allowed me to think clearly in general and put to practice all the skills I learnt to be a better partner.  I lost him, I never pictured a life without him and my changes are too late.  I can only offer to be friends and in turn hope to make the changes for myself that initially were meant for him.  Don’t think that her actions now are not genuine, I regretted a lot of the things I didn’t do or did do. If we had the time apart I think I would have seen it more clearly by having a break than a break up.  Communication is the key, when both parties are listening.  Talk it out, make sure both parties know what they want and what they expect out of the relationship and what’s at steak.  I wished we had talked it out much more prior to his decision.  That’s my experience…

Good luck and know that you aren’t alone.