My situation is similar and different all at the same time. I’m 37, and my husband is 40. We’ve been married for 3 years, together for 5. We each have children from a previous marriage.

Recently, I’ve become exponentially unhappy. It seems that my husband presented himself in a way that is not who he truly is. At first, he was responsible, had things together, took care of his 2 girls, and the “bad” things that he was going through was strictly the acts of his ex-wife. He seemed very put together, and had things turning around in his life. We fell in love quickly, although, looking back, the fights we had before we lived together should have been huge red flags that steered me away. I tend to believe the very best of people, and give the benefit of the doubt an innumerable amount.

So, fast forward…..his “man of the house” attitude- it’s his responsibility to pay the bills, blah blah- has turned into a complete disaster. He has sooo many bills so far overdue, he lies to me, his parents (who have financially bailed us out of so much in the past year..to the tune of almost 10k), and his response to things being so far out of control is “I’ll take care of it”.

He insists that our children go to Catholic school- apparently it’s a thing in his family. The school tuition is 3800 behind…despite the fact that his parents give him a check for $500 every month.

Not only is the money, and lack of it’s management an issue, I just can’t help but feel very disgusted, about everything. The realization that the persona he portrayed in the beginning was a farce makes me, I don’t know….so many things- sad, angry, disgusted, hurt, helpless. Most of all, I feel trapped.

Our children have developed such an amazing bond, that if I were to leave, it would destroy the kids. DESTROY them. I feel that I will have to live in misery or completely wreck my kids emotional well being. Granted, their other parent has their own issues, my husband’s ex-wife and I have quite the similar issues with Mike. (The tuition issues sparked conversations between she and I…all these things have come out). All the reasons she left him are all the exact same reasons I am so unhappy now.

My husband and I have had discussions about changing things. Mostly- according to him- that I needed to change. I went to a psychologist and psychiatrist- was told I have ADHD and MDD, which I am taking medication for. He said he would go, and has yet to even schedule an appointment.

I feel that I am at my wits end. I don’t want to be here anymore, but I can’t tear apart my kids’ lives. I really don’t know what to do.