Hi Flavia,

You sound as if you have thought about this well and carefully.  I’m going to ask what might be a strange question:  have you thought about it from your Mom’s point of view as a complete human for whom being a mom was part of her life, not all of it?  She is a whole human being separate from you with a whole history before becoming a parent, and after her parent duties ended when you became an adult.  Can you try to relate to her as another adult, not only seeing her as a person with a role relevant to you, but that her Mom role is ONE PART of her life, and try to look at all that whole rest of her life, not just looking at the one slice of the pie that relates to you?  It is hard to see our moms except in-terms-of-us, but it’s a good exercise to see tham apart from us, with a whole set of things about them that has nothing to do with us.

Ask yourself:  if she were one of my adult friends, what would I say to her and think of her? How would I talk to her? What expectations and assumptions and boundaries would I hold, if she were one of my closest adult friends? How would I think of what she has been through?

I hope this helps,

Liz