I could mention relationship woes but I am trying to stick to the problem at hand, and I feel most of them are normal and have not had too much of a lasting effect on me.

I’ll try to go as deep as I can with this for as much as I’m comfortable talking about.

Like I mentioned, we are always open to talk and that goes both ways. Although usually I am upset and cry about this situation and discuss it over and over and over, sometimes I can’t help but yell and feel resentful. Small things in our everyday lives will bug me because of it. I’m a calm person but have felt hostile and bottled up.  I am not perfect at all, but I can easily say I have not wronged or hurt him deeply in our relationship. It seems all I do is forgive. I carry a lot of baggage from him but none of it was direct. He never MEANS to upset me but it seems it always finds its way. I tell him that I feel like he does not love me. I really try to wrap my head around it but can’t. He insists every time how much he does and how beautiful he thinks I am inside and out. I wonder if you love someone you will do all in your power to see them be and stay happy. He tells me how much it kills him inside that I am sad and he is the one causing it. That sometimes he doesn’t want to come home because he believes in the long run it will be best for me. This hurts me terribly too and I let him know that. I always wish I can find solutions. I’ll sit with him, communicate, and its like he has no idea what to say or says he doesn’t know. The attempts and ideas seem to always fall on me. It really bothers me. I have googled and considered asking him to see a doctor, maybe take testosterone to help hormones.  Whenever I search online I can’t find existing blogs with the same problems I have and that’s why I’m finally trying to reach out for help and air out my stresses.

It also bothers me how out of left field this was. I would not at all define his as a “typical man”. He is very caring and sensitive. This is VERY out of character and that is what I’m trying to stress, so of course I was left shocked and confused. no matter how much I try to reason with it and tell myself maybe I am overreacting I can’t get past it. Like I mentioned I believe a big reason why I’m so hurt is his lack of attention towards me but capability of doing this. I feel very bitter and angry. I’m unsure how I can ever look at him the same let alone be intimate again. I don’t know if I’m trying to spark something that is dead or if there is a shimmer of hope left. I guess that is up for me to discover.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Livy.