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littlemisshoneyParticipantHi Matty
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and respond to it with such depth.
Your reply really got me thinking about what it is I want the reasons behind my feelings.
A lot of what you say rings true, I am worried that I will never find someone else and more than anything in the world right now, I just want to have my own family. I always knew that, but after falling pregnant and then suffering a loss, it has just amplified that
feeling of wanting to have a child
of my own. I do try to tell myself that things could be a lot worse and that my SO is a good person and I should count myself lucky. I always see the good in people and situations, and it’s very hard for me to have a non-emotional view on whether this is the right thing for me right now.
I do feel guilty even thinking about leaving… I guess because he never seems to reflect the doubts that I have and he always tell me that he wouldn’t be able to live without me.
I am also scared about the prospect of ‘starting over’.
I am planning to take some time away just to have the opportunity to try and see things through a clearer lens… I am working my way towards talking to him about this.
Thank you again for your time and words xlittlemisshoneyParticipantHi Anita
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my post.
In answer to your first question, I think that his upbringing and the way his family treated him has affected his entire view of how a relationship should work. He is rarely affectionate and finds it difficult to talk about his feelings (both things have improved since he has had counselling) But he still has ‘dark days’ I suppose you could call them.
Before he went to counselling he used to have frequent suicidal thoughts – he says that he no longer feels like that. And I can see that he is in a better place now. He says he loves me and he shows me in his own way… But the communication and intimacy is limited although is probably improved from years gone by.
I think for me, I almost used to feel bad about thinking badly/ asserting my own needs from our relationship, knowing what he had been through.
My upbringing was very different I suppose. My parents cared for me and did they whatever they could to make sure we were fed, educated, safe and happy. My own parents were never very happy together, even as a child I knew that. But they would have done anything for me. -
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