Dear L (26),
You have spent a lot of time worrying about when this time, old age, was going to come. You spent a lot of time worrying about dying and not about living. You worry too much about boyfriends and assignments. You worked really hard, and forgot how to play. You spent a lot of time criticizing yourself, and not enough time loving yourself. You are beautiful. Not because the boys told you that you are, but because you are. You walk around so injured. Stop, just because bad things have happened to you, doesn’t mean you are broken. You are beautiful not broken. Stop trying to fix the ones who don’t want to be saved. Stop trying to save the ones who hurt you. Saving them won’t fix you. Spend more time on what makes you happy, and less time worrying about finding someone to make you happy. Stop covering up your scars. They don’t make you different or less than anyone else. Don’t believe everything you think, and don’t get so caught up in being sad that you forget what it’s like to be happy. Forget about dating. You spend so much time running after boys or running from them that your soul gets hurt. You don’t need them to define you, to make you feel love. Love yourself first. This life was never easy for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t stop struggling. Stop the struggle it’s not worth it. When you get to be my age you will have wished you had let go of that struggle a long time ago. Drink less wine and more tea. Laugh more, cry less.. But don’t be afraid to cry. It’s okay to get down, just don’t stay there too long. They will beat you up, and they will hurt you. Don’t let that define you. You can’t let all your trauma define you. They did not take anything from you. You are a whole person. Remember that when the fragmented pieces of your soul ache. Hold on, it’s actually beautiful when you get to be 80. So flush the pills and dump the wine. It was never a good plan. You have a beautiful soul, and you have been through a lot. You are not a victim. So stop feeling that way. You have only ever survived, and that has only ever made you strong. Hold on child, it does get better. Chin up. I know it hurts right now, but you cannot lose hope. You have so many beautiful moments to live.
Love,
L