Hi Joe,
Great to hear that you are starting to find yourself again.
My advice is to let go what’s sits in the past. Thinking about the past won’t change anything and it’s only deteriorating your health mentally and physically. I’ve been through that before!
What you can focus on now is what you can change in the present to improve your future. Exchange those negative thoughts and do something positive for yourself, like reading a book, take an art lesson or do some community work – anything to improve yourself.
I used to go through depression myself. Nothing I did made me happier and my thoughts goes all gloomy. Then I eventually realized I’ve wasted all that time being depressed when I could spent all that time improving myself or do charity work to help those in need. What makes me sad most is seeing someone bedridden and no longer has control over their life – these are the people that suffers most. So every time I think I’m going downhill, I think of these people and push myself out of those thoughts and control what I can now and not what I can’t control.
On a good note, it’s great that you are meditating. Keep it up!
Hope that helps 🙂