Dear anita;

Hey, I haven’t talked to you in a week because I’ve jusr been trying to get back to normal.

But this past week it came over me that “I had made a mistake” with pushing him away. I told my self; “I just had been treated badly in the past  “the anniversary of my mom’s death drives me over the bend, and makes my emotions run wild” and I messaged him.

I told him I was sorry, and really losing him made me realize that I really needed him. And I made a huge mistake, & now I had finally realized what I wanted. And that was him, so once every like, two days id message him, and he never really said much because he just was fine. He even told me that he was so good that he even thought that he’d moved on from me already;

That was such a hit to my ego, I was thinking of all the other girls he’d find. Who he’d treat amazing. When I tell you he’s every girls dream man, he’s loving and caring and treats his mom well, he has all his shit together, hoes to school has a good job, is respected by everyone, he’s clean. ETC. So I kept thinking of all these things and it was driving me crazy.

So I waited a few days. And I messaged him last night.. I was calm. And nice. And I told him I had made a mistake . And thay I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone but him. And he actually forgave me. He told me he still loves me. And that he would he would be down to have a fresh start. I was happy. For a moment. Then that feeling cane back that I described to you. Feeling suffocated,anxiety.. ETC.

And I felt that I was doing the wrong thing,even now as I type this i feel like an awful person for saying all of these things about him. But i can’t help it. I have to get it out. I feel like if we where to break up. I could just feel weight lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time. I miss him and can’t let go. I dont want to hurt him. Andi don’t want to feel like a bad person.

Is it possible to just not like somebody?, I feel like when I see him it’ll all be different. It’s just been so long. But i don’t want to see him and feel the same way, and put him through this all over again. Also he unadded me on Snapchat. And unfolliwed eachother on Instagram, and at first I was upset but after about a day, I was still thinking of him nonstop. But i had completely forgot that he had unadded me. And when I had him on socials I kept posting to annoy him, but once he was gone, I felt so much better. And a lot less draining.

I don’t know what to do Anita these feelings of fear and sadness and anxiety and anger and depression are gone, but now it’s just trying to figure out what to do. I’ve also flirted with a few people & actually felt excited about it… yikes.

He wants to hangout in a few days. Should I call it off for the final time. Or see him. And see if i feel different.? (Keep in mind when I seen him on my mom’s birthday, all the love cane back)( he also said that we’re taking it slow…)

I just feel that love should be easier than this.

I’m sorry for the longggg reply but I tried my best to articulate  properly. So please try and reply to every point you can, because each point is a point I’ve been harping on for awhile. I feel that the only way I’ll feel better is if we truly breakup. But whenever we do I get really upset

Lisa<3

Dear anita

, I feel different than what i was last night. I know that either way it’s a breakup so I’ll be sad. But i miss him a lot right now. Like a little

And yes you’re right I am actually very in awe of how strong he was. He manned up and did what I was too afraid to do. And I know deep down that he did so I didn’t have too… that makes me so sad. But i can’t just ignore what I was feeling. But i wish I could.

For your first question. Yes. I do make tons of mistakes. But im very afraid of them. My mistakes in love haunt me and my dad’s really hard on me.:(

I miss him a l o t as I type this

And for your second question. No, not that I recall

Dear Anita

I don’t know if this makes me a bad person but I’m already moved on? I still miss him and stuff but like i know that I dont want to be with him anymore at all. And even if he wjere to message me I wouldn’t get excited at all..

Does this make me a bad person? We also were broken up but still talking for three weeks.. And I think during that time I was just moving on.

Like when I Think about us going our complete seperate ways it makes me feel kinda sad. But nothing like i felt before.. I’m not that sad and its easy to change my mindset from that to.. It’s for the better..

Maybe it’s because he finally told me he was done too, and I finally felt like i wasn’t hurting him anymore. Or maybe like i wasn’t leaving a person who was also madly in love with me.

I don’t even see a future for us at all. I dont see us meeting again in the future. And I feel like how i felt before I met him. Like I feel single and normal. Does this mean maybe I was never even in love ?? I feel so bad but I know he’s okay. He hasn’t messaged me or anything it’s been almost a day since we last talked and we know there’s no bad blood. Damn I’m not sure .

But i judt feel like bricks have been removed from my shoulders. I’ve seen guys that I think wow their cute again… but I would never get into another relationship yet.

Yeah so that’s my new (kinda struggle) other than that I feel alot better then when I was texting you before. Do you think a Break up is what I needed ?

Lisa

dear anita:

i just finished watching a movie with him, we watched it over facetime, we watched the “notebook”, and the basis of that movie is that they breakup, and the girl finds someone new. she loves him, but she knows deep down that shes only with him for something stable. for me, i dont love anybody else. but i know deep down that something isnt right.

for some reason the movie realy hit a spot for me, i started to cry on the phone, he asked me what was wrong, and i just kept saying.. “im sorry” “im sorry” and he said, dont worry about it lisa. that hurt so bad that i had to hngup….

these past few weeks, ive just been thinking none stop, trying to fix it with him, trying to find a soulution, but anita, i think maybe you know that theres no soulution for what you feel.

i love SO many things about him. and itll break my heart to see him move on, but it will hurt less then dragging this on, he told me the reason he hasnt just gotten back with me,is not because he doesnt forgive me, but because he knows and can feel that something is off. and doesnt want to get hurt again.

right now i feel peace, usually im bawling my eyes out by now, but i think the only way i can stop feeling this stress is to let go. tommorow i am going to see him, for the first time in maybe three weeks. and we said that tommorow well see if this is true love or if im just forcing it, and i guess ill see. anita, i cant stress myself out anymore. i cant have this internal conflict anymore, its driving me crazy

tommorow is my moms birthday, her 5th brthday since shes passed away, i feel really down about that too, it makes me just want to constantly be around my dad and i feel like as long as my dad is here il be okay, thats the same way i felt when i was eleven and my mom passed away, i knew that all i needed was my dad, and i feel so attached to him in these times

tommorow im going to give him the bracelete, i made a list of rules for them,

1st rule: NEVER take off the bracelete unless you fall in love with somebody new

2nd rule:

3touches=i love you

2touches=i miss you

3touches=text/call me

3rd rule; no matter what. we cant break the bracelete, or throw it out no matteer how mad we are at eachother, they symbolise our bond, and well only take them off if we feel its right

anita, i feel peaceful right now. i think that i will be ok either way, i just cant let myself slip, i am worried ill never find somebody that loves me like him. but if its meant to be, he’ll wait for me  when im ready, i dont want to go against the path that the earth is trying to take me on, theres a reason i feel like this and i dont want to fight it. i love him, i always will, we had a baby together {although it died} its something we’ll hold together forever. just us. he’s my bestfriend, and maybe this will change in time.

whatever decision i make i feel like im making a mistake. but atleast i feel at peace right now. i need real time to live on my own without talking to him and see if i just want to get back with him because i miss him or because i actually want to be with him. mo matter what happens ill keep you updated.

KINDEST REGUARDS,  lisa<3

Yes you are right my dad did say the same thing to me. And that’s another thing I have to keep in mind. I hope everything I’m working on is worth it and we stay together because. I do all of this just for the good feeling I have. But im scared that as soon as I see him. All the bad ones will come back. Ohmy I’m so stressed. Out

That I am going to hurt him. Or maybe don’t love him the same..

Dear Anita

I read something about over thinking. Which as you can probably tell by how I write… I do that A LOT. And it’s what started all of my anxiety

So for a few hours I’ve been practicing. When a bad feeling/thought about my relationship comes in, to not fight it, or ask myself to stop thinking about it, but replace that thought with a positive one. Still I am getting the bad thoughts just as much. But just learning to replace them

Do you think that with time the thoughts will gradually leave with this approach? Because I will set a trap for my mind? If that makes sense, to a point where when there’s a bad thought it will just be ignored. I know it won’t take a day or a few hours but it seems to be working.

Also that mixed with doing new things etc. I’m not sure. Let me know what you think? I see him tommorw. I got him some LED lights  and the bracelete. And for some reason I’m so scared to give it to him. Ahhh but I bought them for him. And I’m excited too. Anyways

I’ve been up all night. So I won’t see your reply but I know it will help me in some way! You’re an amazing person and i see you gain from helping other people with your wisdom I appreachiate you especially since I don’t have my mom to talk to. And my dad doesn’t always understand, lol  talk to you then.

Lisa

I’m not sure anymore. I love him and care for him DEEPLY. But I’ve almost lost hope now. I’ve kind of come to leave with the fact that maybe not every relationship is meant to be. Even if he loves me dearly. And maybe after I move on I’ll be happier because that stress will be lifted. But i don’t panic anymore. I just get sad and wish it were different. But i feel like I’m fighting against what the universe is trying to show me. But why ? If he’s an amazing guy and there truly is a future for us  if only I wasn’t screwing it up.