Thanks Anita, it sounds like a worthwhile endeavor.  I appreciate your feedback and suggestions.

Yes, we teamed up together and made fun of my mom, or he’d pick me up at church and we’d go to breakfast instead of me going to church.  However, he was cruel to me; when I practiced driving with him, I started crying when he yelled at me, and said “oh, don’t indulge yourself” (by crying).  I remember an incident when he shamed me, for the wide tooth smile I gave when we were opening Christmas presents; “oh, don’t do that,  just smile…” It seems I have always been highly sensitive, and I have had a complicated relationship with my dad.  I just would like to not have this impact my ability for form a committed relationship with a man.

Yes, I feel that anger when I think about their, and our family life together.  I just remember how cruel my dad was to my mom; calling her stupid, demeaning her, yelling, calling her ‘the old battle ax’.  His facial expressions and tone were just terrible; that left a big impression on me.  He has always been very self centered.

Ironically, he is now in Assisted Living.   He’s 87 and has no short term memory.  He will often say what a wonderful person my mom was, and that they had a good relationship, and great life together, and she was the love of his life.  I let him live in his current reality, in that I don’t correct him.  I wish he could have been kind to her when she was alive.

Ironically, when I was a child, I was a ‘daddy’s girl’, and I thought he was the greatest dad ever, and we (dad and I) thought my mom was dumb and too strict.  As time went on, I came to understand that she did the best she could raising us, virtually alone.  He was a surgeon, and the household had to tip toe around dad, ‘he’s had a busy day, he’s tired, leave him alone for while…”  She wasn’t perfect.  She was fearful and anxious.  I think she was being the adult, and he was more impulsive and immature.

Anyway, that’s an earful for you, Anita.  I really appreciate your input.  lisa

Good examples.  I need to figure out how to not fear making plans, because I don’t know if I’ll feel like doing that when the time comes, and I don’t like to cancel on someone.  I’m not sure there’s anyone out there that would be so tolerant of my weirdness.

Thanks Anita, How do I tell a new person that I’m interested in dating, that I am fearful of feeling trapped, but I’m interested in getting to know him.  When do I bring up this issue; after a few dates?  I usually say that I’m very independent, and that weekends are best for me.

No, I haven’t tried therapy related to this issue.  Also, no, I can’t remember, when a relationship got serious, that I did not feel boxed in.  I’ve had long term relationships, but I’m always more anxious that when I am single.  I enjoy being in a relationship, so it would be nice to be able to not stress over it.

Thank you Anita, Amanda, Jaclyn and Mark.  I respect your opinions.

I guess the part of not wanting to be at a certain place at a certain time goes to saying ‘yes’ to things I think I should do, as opposed to what I want to do?  I really like to be in control.  My parents relationship was not healthy, and as a child, I remember thinking “I will never let myself get trapped in a relationship that is so awful” (verbal and emotional abuse, Dad to Mom).  I know, I’m 58!  Get over it.  I guess I need to understand it that’s part of my fear of commitment, and/or how to progress beyond this.

I have met some great people, and I’ve been the reason these relationships have ended.  However, sometimes I think I’m not great at judging what are the ‘must haves’ compared to ‘icing in the cake’ as far as characteristics (and personality quirks) that are priorities to me.