I can completely relate. I’ve always had trouble making friends when I was a child, and even now into adulthood. My one best friend growing up died when I was 22. She was my best friend. We were inseparable. I went down a very dark road once she died. I didn’t bother having any friends till i was 26. I was so afraid to hurt like i hurt when my friend died. When I was 26 I when I met another woman. She was very outgoing. If it wasn’t for her being so forward and pushy I probably wouldn’t have become friends with her, but like I said she was an outgoing person. It took me a while, but I finally let her into my heart. We were best friends from 2006 to 2017. She became more like a sister to me. Well, once again she died in April 2017. Then my father died in May 2017 and then my boyfriend in June of 2017. Needless to day 2017 sucked. I am Bipolar and it totally sent me into a manic state that I stayed in for about 4 months. Then there was the crash. I was totally depressed and couldn’t do anything.  I did have one more friend and recently she sent me a text telling me that i was a horrible person, that I was a selfish bitch that contributed nothing to our friendship. I didnt even get a chance to respond and see why she felt that way. She blocked my number and blocked me on facebook.

Im a loyal, honest, loving,  caring friend that would do anything for my friends. In fact, she got breast cancer and I stayed with her everyday in case she needed anything or just wanted some company. I am by far no where near selfish.

So now I’m 41 with zero friends.  Its lonely. I miss the companionship and all talks about life and everything else. I do have a boyfriend and a daughter. They are awesome and I love them dearly, but it doesn’t replace that empty hole in my heart where a friend would be. I’m sorry I rambled on like that.

So in order for me to have friends, I have to go out and make myself available. I am homeschooling my daughter so I joined a few groups on facebook and this one woman lives about 30 minutes from me. We are planning to get together soon. Another woman messaged me and we have been talking through Facebook and text. She lives about 4 hours from me, but it’s worth the trip if I’m going to make a friendship out of it. So basically what im saying is put yourself out there. Leave the past where it belongs, in the past, it can’t be changed. Focus on now and what you can do now.