Dear Divya,

My name is Rajasimha a.k.a LionKing and I completely understand your emotional pain because I have been facing challenge after challenge on all fronts of my life over the last 26 years. My personal life has been a wreck more so after my divorce eight years back. Does it mean my life is over or I have made mistakes? Not at all… there is no such thing as mistakes in life only corrections…why don’t you look at each date as a meeting with a stranger? Someone you bump into in a bus, train or aircraft during work or pleasure. You spoke for a while, had a laugh and went your separate ways. This way you tend to become more objective and and cause less pain to yourself. Do not let these trifles upset the quality of your life or your mental state.

Remember, nothing is worth it at the end of the day. Imagine being single has so many advantages such as freedom, less luggage, uninhibited travel, doing things that you like and so much more. We are all lonely even if we have a partner, wife or friend. Sing aloud if you feel like talking… take a walk and strike a conversation with someone unknown to you or exercise..

Feel free to write to me.. i will help in whatever way I can..

Raj

“Keep your heart clear
And transparent,
And you will
Never be bound.
A single disturbed thought
Creates ten thousand distractions.”
― Ryokan

“In this ever-changing society, the most powerful and enduring brands are built from the heart. They are real and sustainable. Their foundations are stronger because they are built with the strength of the human spirit, not an ad campaign. The companies that are lasting are those that are authentic.”
― Howard Schultz, Pour Your Heart Into It: How Starbucks Built a Company One Cup at a Time

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
― C.G. Jung

Members of the Forum (MoF), some quotes about authenticity.

Hello Jack,

My name is Raj, and just about joined Tiny Buddha.

“But my main point of this thread is the workplace. it seems to me that “fakeness” is rewarded more than authenticity. The people who can politic and appear hardworking tend to thrive more than the actual hardworking ones who don’t say much. If I am to do well in an office environment, I’d better act like I love and respect my boss and peers. Don’t make any enemies. Don’t talk too intimately about your past, or you’ll find those secrets will be used against you one day.”

I agree with you completely that nothing should be hidden (even if it means one has to brutally honest about oneself) between your partner, girlfriend or wife to avoid embarrassments in the future or a social setting.

Now coming to the part of being authentic at the workplace-let me digress a bit before coming to the point. In one of my previous companies, privately run multi-million dollar IT conglomerate, the CEO’s buzzwords were “Impression Management” and “Confident Bull-shitting”. The CEO and top management would put up a facade in front of customers and over-commit with regards to delivery of software projects. All major customer engagements slipped their deadlines, and these folks always resorted to false claims and their charming speech to cover up for their mistakes. It worked in the beginning but somewhere down the line, one big customer caught the drift and pulled the plug, which cascaded to other customers. As a result, the company sunk rapidly and shut shop with a debt of more $150 million and 600 employees still to receive their salaries. Moral of the story-“stay authentic and never sugar-coat or lie”.

People who pretend at the workplace or in life will never last the full mile. They may see “short term success” or at best become mummified in present workplaces for life or their future is besieged with problems. Lies will catch up with them in some sphere of their lives at some point in time.

The best way to succeed in a workplace is to be as aloof and nonchalant without losing your authenticity like Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption. He was nice to everyone in prison but his exit plan was very clear. We can remain authentic at the workplace by listening to the grapevine without taking sides. Sometimes the grapevine clutter can work to your benefit.

You may not like your boss or co-workers but the trick is to maintain a healthy working relationship with them so that your work and reward does not suffer. Be calm, never react because the other person might think you are affected by what they are telling you, be it good or bad. All these attributes do no rob of your authentic “true-self or being”, which no individual or company can take away from you.

Yes, I agree with you completely never to discuss your home and person at work. Never carry your emotional baggage to work and why should you? You are at work and not in a counseling center. If there is a personal crisis, discuss it directly with your boss not asking for his or her sympathy or advise but with a clear solution in your head about how you plan to solve the problem with definitive steps (after consulting friends and family but not your co-workers).

Remember, what matters at the end of the day is our family. Work is a means to earn our livelihood. Companies can find a zillion replacements but a family cant.

Cordially
Raj