Hello Anita and thanks for replying.

My ex-wife cheated on me because we were just sexually incompatible.  Everything else was fine for the most part.  I know the people she cheated on me with and they were not super hot guys or anything, just regular guys but they gave her the attention she needed.  My ex-wife told me she always thought I was more handsome than anybody, including the guys she cheated with so I’m not sure where my preoccupation with looks comes from.  My ex-wife has told me that I am a remarkable father, husband, friend, everything…we just didn’t have that romantic spark.  I am not a vain man or anything and struggle to figure out why I compare myself with other men.  It’s not just looks either, it’s sense of humor, how much more loving I am, how much better I take care of a family, and other intangibles.  I just want to be the best everything for my current wife so I do not experience the pain of her leaving as I know all too well what that feels like.

Even though my ex-wife and I were friends, we married young (at 19) but that romantic spark never really got going.  I didn’t feel the same way she felt about me but I never strayed from our marriage.  I treated her well but she felt like we didn’t have enough sex (we had sex 2-3 a week for 20 years but that wasn’t enough for her) and she starting seeking attention elsewhere.  I’m totally ok with not being married to her anymore and we remain friends and are good coparents to our kids.  I just think her actions triggered something in me about not being good enough and I still struggle with it.

I am familiar with the 5 languages and my current wife is touch-based and I’m affirmation based.  I take very good care of my wife and we have a fantastic romantic relationship.  She was cheated on and she sometimes has some insecurities about me leaving her like all these other guys did and I assure her I’m solid and not going anywhere.  I guess we all have our issues from time to time.  I’m just tired of comparing myself to her exs.  She married/dated handsome guys and for some reason I feel like I don’t measure up.