Forum Replies Created
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Dear Anita,
I do fully agree that the affects of bullying can last for a long time or even for ever. In the post I was responding to, I meant to suggest that sometimes situations alter so that people can move away, distance themselves, and in life this can happen naturally (people go to college, uni, get jobs etc). Over time, bullying can sometimes stop or go away.
Each situation is so different, and I think many of us have been bullied at some time in our lives, either by other children, or by family or other people, for example, at work. I read once about a woman who even now suffers not so much at what people did to her, but because no-one stood up for her. That post broke my heart to read, so it must be even harder for her. She is working through it and I’m so glad, because I think bullying can kill a person’s spirit over the years…
“I will say the same thing to myself right now: I am strong, and I can do this!”
I’m glad 🙂
Dear Anita,
Thank you 🙂 It’s nice not to have any pressure. I can’t always be on the computer as often as I’d like. I intended to reply to the OP but was tired at that time, so decided to wait until the next day. The thread was removed by her, before I was able to give any thought or input.
I have what are really random thoughts. That these difficult situations don’t last for ever, and that we find a way through. It’s good to practice what to say, if the bully gets in touch, because it’s less likely then to be in a flustered or upset state. I think someone mentioned this on another post. Practice over and over, to give yourself courage. It might be an idea to take up a physical sport or pasttime that could be a protector.
Perhaps use a mantra word or saying. I have ptsd and I was helped a lot, going past a place of memory, to say to myself “I am strong and I can do this”. I felt a surge of energy and was able to pass the place. It felt good.
It can help to walk in Nature. Find trees.
Perhaps also, imagine what you might say to a friend in such a situation. I find that can sometimes be useful.Finally, there’s nothing wrong (in my book) about experiencing anger. A person is doing hurtful things, so don’t become an “echo” of yourself: what about your life, and what you feel or need? Sometimes we need to put ourselves first to keep ourselves safe and not wither away. This may involve removing ourselves from toxic people.
So those are my rambling thoughts.
Dear Anita,
I’m sorry I’ve not been able to return earlier, I wanted to post with careful wording.
” I base my replies to a member on what the member shares. I put a lot of work and time reading what a member shares, re-reading it, re-typing it in my way, and coming to my best understanding for the time being. Every time I receive new information from a member, I re-read the old information and integrate the old and the new, to form an improved understanding”
Understood. It’s important to have a good understanding, and that can take time to form in the mind. It can take hard work to comprehend what others are writing about.
I agree that B’s focus was on the bullying, the bully had upset her very much. Part of that upset was about the bully being so forceful, that B was in a situation where she felt upset that she’d not felt able to stand up for her father (in other words, keep the topic about the loss of her father, and not what the bully was talking insensitively about, which was her supposedly wonderful life). That tells me that B was raw about her loss.
Parental behaviour absolutely should be discussed, if not too difficult or raw, but people should have choices, as I’m sure you agree. I can’t recall what B’s actual question was – I think she asked for tips on how to handle such a situation.
Regarding the changes in the story, I can totally see how this occurs. Especially when people are stressed or upset. I’ve done it myself. In wanting to convey what happens, it’s not always possible (for a variety of reasons) to explain in detail or to explain why one minute something is so, but it can also be another way, maybe a few weeks or days later, or a month or year later. It can take so much effort to go into the detail, and it can be impossible to work out in a stressed mind. It looks like contradiction, but may simply be someone attempting to convey all the things that happened. It doesn’t mean it’s not a true account.
I do think this is a common type of bullying and it should be talked about more.
I also hope that it helps people to discuss or even just to think about such bullying. It was kind to start a thread about it.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 