Hi all

Thank for sharing.

T, your words are very true and I can tell it has taken your heart a while to come to those conclusions and truly believe them. I can fully relate and now too have come to the same conclusions.

Cass and Liena, thanks for being open to us on this forum. You are not alone and there are people out there who have been through a very similar situation. Maybe the hurt and pain are clouding your judgements on how you’ll feel in the future, which if that is the case you can trust in the experiences of others who have come out strong. If they can do it, so can you.

I can only reiterate the words of T as it has taken me two years of being on and off with the ex to realise that if he really wanted to be with me, he would. In short: we were never official, when I had ‘the conversation’ with him he rejected me. Tears, heartache, depression took over. Then I managed to pick myself up with the help of friends, books and forums. We still very much addicted to each other and both could not let go. Conversations later we were somehow dating again, with me knowing he does not want to commit. (Over the past two years he did not have any sort of relationships with anyone else but me. Though this was the case he still wouldn’t commit.) As T says: if you stick around that is you saying to him “i am okay with your behaviour”. So having learnt this I chose to finally break it off after being on again. I needed to give him a reason to change, and so he did…. Though it was not enough. He changed, he realised my worth and did not take me for granted. But after a few weeks he pulled away. The excuses or perhaps reasons will not be mentioned here because ultimately, ultimately if he wanted to be with me… he would. 5 months of no contact later he got back in touch. The chemistry was there, he realised I will not be putting up with his excuses anymore, he suggested we move in together, we discussed moving abroad together if he gets offered a better job…. And surprise surprise when it came down to it…. He chose not to commit. 2 years since we had ‘the conversation’ I have finally learnt. As T says: by maintaining this relationship you are slowly killing yourself. I was which is why I HAD to let go. He is not a bad person, he is not malicious, but an emotional guy who just doesn’t know my worth. Because of that, he is not worthy of my love. He needs to learn and that can only be done without me now. Too much has happened to go back. Do I think he will get back in touch? Yes. For now I need to work on myself and move forward. If and when he does, then I will deal with it then because we can never predict the future.

Take time to look after your health. Cry all you want, sleep all you want, but don’t do that for long as that in itself is self destructive. Trust in others that you will heal from this. Scientifically speaking, time HAS to be given to this in order for our neural connections in our brains to change its wiring.

You will miss him, you will have your ups and downs which are completely normal but whatever you do… do not act on impulse.

If he really wanted to be with you, he would. If you are the girl for him, he will change but only on his time. Which means you need to take this opportunity now to develop yourself, to become a wonderful inspiring woman and if he does come back as a changed person… You will either be together if both of your are in the right place, i.e compatible or you will not which means you will still lead a fulfilled life. Either way, the only path to take is moving forwards.

Things will get better, the pain is only temporary. Trust in yourself and others that you will be ok.

All the best.