Hi Ry,

Awesome that you have been doing the hard work and going for therapy…do you know how much courage and self-care this move takes??? I did it until very recently (and for over 2.5 years) and it is not a linear process – there will be times when it seems like you have gone all the way back and it will frustrate you. But on many days, you will wake up feeling light and invincible..until you start to feel and be that everyday. So dont let the 2 steps back worry you about the 100 forward you have taken.

I think that is where you problem lies – you arent treating yourself very well. It takes time (and Im still in the process) but you need to really, really appreciate yourself and know that you bring unique and special things to this world. You arent meant to be perfect, dont do that to yourself, dont put yourself in a place from where you WILL fall and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Appreciate the little wins, celebrate you and your life and try to do your best to ensure your mistakes dont hurt you or other. And that you learn from them. You are imperfect but SO SO beautiful on the inside out. Every decision, thought, choice you make should be towards protecting and nurturing yourself. This is the only way to thrive in a world that is ready at every step to crush us (so dont do it to yourself!).

How do you wake up each morning? What do you tell yourself? Tell yourself something kind and nurturing the moment you wake up, like a mother would to her child (because we all have an inner child). And its great that you write, keep at it. Write and write. You virtues and wins are way more important than those tiny failures (again, dont forget to learn from them).

And love what you have been given. To have life, healthy, family and to be able to work, go to bed, eat..they are all privileges. It is a blessing. Your body is a privilege and so is your height (want to try imagining for a few seconds as to what it would be like with your legs amputated and unable to stand up?). No need to compare because you bring unmatchable (yes I made that word up!) glory, joy and kindness to everyone around you. You dont need to be anything else. Just expand on this goodness.

Dont take yourself for granted because when you do, you disrespect yourself in the worst possible way. You are way worthier than getting that from yourself and hell, no body dare treat you with disrespect.

I understand your process, I was there not to long ago (I turned 30 just a month ago) but after a lot of work I can now say “I really, really, REALLY like myself” and mean it. And it shows in every decision, thought and choice I make today.

Dont give up on yourself. You are doing so well. In a year’s time, you will look at yourself and be amazed at what you see (and what you have accomplished). Keep me posted,

(Sorry if that was a lot of rah rah rah-ing) 🙂

Lily

Dear Aimee,

My dear lovely girl – you are so very, very unique that the world would not be the same without you. Ask you family, ask the people in your life. Ask yourself because you have show such maturity and strength in getting past all that and standing strong. Im sorry that your life has been difficult but man, are you resilient or what?!Please know that as hard as all this if for you right now, life will get better AND you will grow stronger and stronger. You will look back at your life in a couple of years and be super proud of everything you have achieved.

Im sorry uni in Melbourne didnt work out for you but perhaps you are meant to stay there in Adelaide for a reason that you dont know yet? Everytime something doesnt work out, KNOW for a fact that it’ll lead to something bigger, a lesson or an experience that will bring greater character. And if you want to go to France, DO IT! You wont know if it is for you until you go there and do it. You may hate it and come back in 3 months (highly unlikely) or it’ll be the BEST experience of your life! 🙂

For now, slow your self down..sloooooow. Try to make a list of 3 things each day that you are grateful for – it can be as simple as ‘a latte in the morning’ or ‘pair of $5 Rubi shoes’ or something deeper like the health of the people you love. Do it everyday before bed and you’ll see that inspite of all of the things that isnt going well, so many many things are perfectly in place (I do the same thing everyday as I pray).

And lovely, the world wants you and like the previous poster said, NEEDS YOU! And you will (WILL WILL WILL) be surprised at how things pan out. Just hang in there, be kind to yourself, be around people who love you, practice gratitude and you’ll be there in no time.

Big hugs, let us know how you go.

Cheers from Melbourne (Oh and you will SO TOTALLY be here someday soon!)
Lily.

Hi Priscilla,

That is tough but I was in your same spot just 1.5 years ago – same thing + I was told I wont have a job when I came back from this holiday (which never happened). So I had to start looking for a new job, got no refunds (my friend as well) and lost heaps of money. And yes, I cried, I hated the world.

But you know what, in a couple of months it wont matter, Because in a weird way, it led met to something better, an experience that I had never planned for or predicted. It was beyond everything I had imagines. So give yourself a hug (and one from me too) and know that something exciting is on its way.

Take care of yourself, you will definitely be ok.
Lily.

Nia,

I am terribly sorry to hear that you are going through so much pain and hurt. Big hugs. It is a tough time, reach out to people who love and support you and most of all, the peace and love that exists within you. You are not alone by any means. You are totally capable of handling this and thriving.

With regards to your boy friend, it could be that he needs time to see what he is missing and reach out to you. That being said, no one knows if he will reach out or not. You can try, try your best but you dont control the outcome. Thats the hard part here. I know that you mean the best for you and you want to motivate him to do better – but he needs to do better for himself. He needs to become who he is meant to be and you need to accept whatever and whoever he is at every point in his life. Thats just how it works with growth and acceptance. Similarly, you seem to have noticed a few things that you wish to work on and now is a great time to practice them – you will only grow no matter what the outcome.

BUT it doesnt discount the fact that you have plans and you want your life to be a certain way – dont apologize for it and dont change your plans. They are for you. If at some point, he hasnt changed his mind, you will have to choose looking after yourself and making your dreams come true. With someone who is in a head space that you are in, with life goals similar to yours. Let him go if he doesnt see the unique and amazing person you are for someone who totally get it and adores you for it.

I hope that helps. Stay strong, you are worthy of great things. Let us know how you go.

Lily.

Hi Yolanda,

I am terribly sorry to hear about what you are going thru – if it helps, I am going thru something similar that happened a couple of DAYS ago. I feel all fragile but a couple of things that perhaps might help you too:

1. Like sojourner said, you can love him but you cannot let yourself be with him. But with time and healing, you will see that you dont really even want to love him

2. Stand up for yourself and your feelings, just like you did when you told him you wanted more attention. Dont hide how you feel, not from yourself or anyone. You dont have to, never have to.OWN it because that will help you move forward.

3. No contact – please cut all contact. DO NOT give him the PRIVILEGE of your friendship if he cannot appreciate a deeper, unique and more cherished aspect of you. He is going to have you around until he finds someone else who will do they same. They dont change. Therefore, when you are ready, tell him it is over, absolutely no contact (and you cannot take him back even if he does try). This is truly the only way to heal and smile again and open your heart to new happiness.

Also please read baggagereclaim.co.uk – Nat is amazing with the things she shares, lessons for life!

4. His rejection of you is not about you – it is really all about him, his insecurities, his weird judgements and issues. Dont make them yours (his circus, his monkey). You are a special, warm and caring person. And he doesnt get to have you. His loss.

5. Dont give the gift of your love to someone like him. There is someone out there who will adore every bit of you. Please wait for him, please dont let this make you bitter.

6. In the words of Nat “He is not that special; you are not that desperate”. You can do this, you are a strong, capable person who can heal and move on. Dont stop believing that even for a minute! Like sojourner said, it is WITHIN you. Your love and happiness is within you. Dont settle for anything lesser than spectacular.

Sending you warm hugs, please let me know how you go. Happy to listen if you wish to write/share/chat more.
Lily.